i just carried on a conversation with my mother from another room mid-ejaculation. you would have done the same
i rewarded my self with tacobell for not throwing up on any one. MISTAKE
I want a meaningful relationship and i wont get one if i keep giving him blow jobs in my basement while watching family guy.
There's always the 'not have sex with the drunk girl I just met at some party' option.
That was the plan but Tequila showed up at the party too.
I'm playing a little game called "how many shots of jack can I take before I become a shit show tonight". All front row seats are sold out.
Only once have I found myself in the condom aisle holding a bundt cake...
I'm sorry that I didn't get belligerently drunk and did not put my penis on your neck again
I'm drinking and working out! I'm bench pressing the beer pong table and doing push ups and lifting the chair.
It wasn't a mystery that it was the pizza cooking in the oven when we stumbled out of the bedroom in a smoke filled apartment at 2am. We are dangerous drunks
I have weed and a speedo - I don't need anything else.
chasing tequila with frosting. best baby shower ever.
Drunk me also decided it would be funny to change all the passwords on my computer last night. Now I can't log into anything.
so i put my jacket on last night that you wore last weekend, and reach inside the pockets and find them full of goldfish...
the snack that smiles back:)
Change the sheets & put your dick in the dishwasher. I'll see you in an hour.
Moms passed out wet and naked in a rocking chair again....
Randomize
