My drunk dialing habit needs to go. My drunk habit can stay though.
You're the unicorn of the gay community. Unbelievable and unattainable.
So, we're in the car ready to fuck and she asks about my ex. I wave at my lap and say, "bye". She asks what I'm doing. I say, "waving goodbye to my erection"
taking shots each time the weatherman says Dont go out in this blizzard
the teacher just ate a hash brownie and passed out on the bus best field trip 2010'
I stayed at the bar and helped clean up cause I was told I'd get free shots. Didn't happen.
You basically told your boyfriend at the time you were going to shit in his hands.
And I meant every ounce of it.
Never ever ever ever ever ever give your number to a 30 year old at buffalo wild wings. Ever ever ever.
do u know what happened to the bottles last night?
apparently we hid them.... i google mapped the location into my phone
If I get aids I am starting a lawsuit against snapchat.
On another note, I feel like my vagina is slowly being peeled off with a rusty potato peeler.
You know getting black out drunk at a cats birthday party should have been my lowest point drinking wise but some how I feel like last night was some how worse
I feel like I should be having more sex dreams of my boyfriend than his sister..
You told me you were trying to learn all the MLB ballparks while you waited for your porn to load.
I’m honestly just flattered that you think I could make PornHub’s Top 10.
Randomize
