It was like a spaceship landed and 1000s of hipsters filled up the park
i like to finish this college football season knowing that not once have I had to masturbate to erin andrews
Please come fuck me. I had the worst sex of my life the other night and I need to be reminded that sex is actually enjoyable
His roommate left already and took the beer pong table so we had to take off his bedroom door. Maybe res life won't notice.
Apparently love is stronger than SoCo
I'm laying in my house looking at chocolate pudding drip from the ceiling onto my partially erect penis... Yay for shrooms!
What kind of costume was that supposed to be??
I'm an orgasm trader!
In honor of today being Sunday I am day drinking and watching Grey's Anatomy all day. ALL DAY.
hahaha every time i hear a motorcycle i think about that one time you almost died
Thanks for the flashbacks you prick.
dude girls our age are getting married and having babies and I still can't figure out how to defrost my hotpockets
But lunch with my dad really just means an hour and a half of him telling me how he's disappointed and how he knows I'm on drugs
Now: to brush my teeth, put on my grandma slippers and earplugs, masturbate to 50 Shades and then PTFO
In my top drawer right now, there are see's chocolates, condoms, weed, and my vibrator. One way or another, this is going to be a good night
I got copblocked.
What?
Cockblocked. By a cop. Copblocked.
If hypothetically I needed to puke on the bus... how would I go about doing this.
Randomize
