You know what sound is wonderful for a hangover? Listening to the horns from the South Africans at the world cup
i just dedicated my kegstand to your breasts
Of course the bar would go completely silent right as I yell out "I don't have AIDS"
well you're talking about the girl who after 4 years, several relationships and several fuck buddies, has yet to have sex in an actual bed
i miss freshman lecture halls much harder to take shots in a class of 20
Well I can't go home with anyone tonight bc I stuffed my bra
There was this blissful moment of peace and quiet... then you ran past our window with a lit firecracker in hand going, "SHIT. SHIT. SHIT!"
I'm gay. Congratulations to whoever had January 2014 in their pool.
You kept sacrificing me last night. You would just yell out "Virgin Sacrifice!!" and then throw me into a circle of men.
There needs to be a greeting card for "I miss having sex and smoking weed with you."
Everybody posting sickening holiday couple pics and I'm over here deepthroating a bottle of whiskey.
He lit a shoe on fire and tried putting it out by peeing on it
coming down from speed on a 5 hour flight home from vegas is not a valid reason for calling off work the next day
so i said i had a yeast infection
Just left the ER. Only good thing... my hot ass nurse Carlos stripped me.
God works in mysterious ways.
you never know when your going to find a surprise from me in your bed...it keeps you on your toes.
Randomize