where are you?
in the room with the baby pig
k im coming soon
Besides, I'm not in my 30's. I'm still allowed to drink wine from a bag.
This is how we made chicken soup last night: Whole chicken in a pot of vodka with a box of crackers and some carrots. We should go pro.
you tried to fill your inhaler with vodka
also, I heard you can donate your eggs for like $8gs....hellloooo mediterranean vacation. thank youuuu future babies!!!
He raised his arm and dropped it in his sleep to smack himself awake. He knows his phone has an alarm clock right?
its so sad we are done celebrating 21st bdays everytime one of us turned 21 everyone else got laid
I'm pleased to know that your mom refers to me as "the ass piliager" now
I woke up in a tutu and topless. How was your night?
Eric was just sitting there open-mouthed swallowing sake from that squirt bottle for so long the lady across from us leaned over to her kid and told him not to end up like "the big alcoholic one"
A penis isn't a time share. I want to own not rent.
we fucked in the backseat of my car at the observatory, right under the stars. it was a starry, orgasmic filled night
the quiet that you are hearing is a silent suggestion that you should go fuck yourself
When you get this divorce finalized we're going to mid evil times AND pirate dining adventure. We're gonna find you a couple of real men and make them joust/swashbuckle for your affection. My treat.
we woke up when the front wall of the house caught fire.
Randomize
