Saw shirtless man with angel wing tramp stamp seen biking in my neighborhood. Considering moving.
Just got booed while taking a piss and asked if I 'call that a penis.' Get me the fuck out nf yankee stadium.
do guys with small dicks even attempt to pursue romantic relationships?
So am I a slut for not remembering his name after sex last night or not recognizing him in the cafe today after he told me who he was?
I'm paying a homeless guy $20 to follow me around bars tonight with a boombox playing the theme to Rocky.
If theres one good thing that came out of our relationship its this chicken recipe. And squirting.
Stealing vibrators from Walmart together was when I realized you'd be my Maid of Honor.
What can I say, he stumbled upon the key to my heart: orgasms and mac 'n cheese.
I didn't realize I was holding it, until I was like, "whose baby is this?"
You threw up? Were you ladylike while you did it? I'm wagering that you were. Like a Disney princess. Like a "Puke Me Pretty" Barbie.
The heart of my unhappiness in my job is that it's not a place where coworkers and I can draw dicks on everything to amuse each other
When did angry sex become our thing?
We fucked, she finished, high fived me, the pulled a celebratory pack of gushers out of her purse for each of us. I'm going to marry your sister dude.
They're letting me in by good graces, I can't show up with a fist full of dildos
IT'S FUCKING BABY SEASON ON FACEBOOK. MY VAGINA WANTS TO THROW UP
Randomize
