like what am i supposed to say "im thinking of how bad that sex was"?
any plan I had today of being a productive member of society, I am officially throwing out the window.
i am positive it's ok to drink. it's just pieces of the plastic knife i forgot was in the blender.
The kid I'm babysitting just asked if I had a boyfriend. WHY IS A FOUR YEAR OLD MAKING ME FEEL BAD ABOUT MY LIFE
I feel miserable and there's nutella all over my phone
It's my first ever "i'm sorry for my excessive drug use" hand turkey. And I think it's pretty boss.
So I have a scar from when the stripper tore off my underwear .... Best birthday ever
I HAVEN'T FUCKED ANYONE IN FOREVER AND A HALF I DON'T DESERVE TO BE A TRASHY BLONDE
Send me one of your boob pics as an example. I mean this in the straightest least lesbian way possible.
just texted my dealer that i could taste the blue but not the cheese. i said i could taste blue.
How much money would it take for the bouncer to get us beers while we wait in line to get in?
$450 apparently whoopwhoop
Watching the blind side bc I need a good cry to make sure I'm still human after this weekend's questionable life choices
I am texting my fuck buddy about fucking tonight, while facebook chatting with his wife about food.
On a scale of 1 to i should hide, how deep did i dig my grave?
I wonder how vigorously I can jack off in a one person tent without being noticed???
Randomize
