i love how you can even make your typing come across bitchy
every time I worry about a career mistake, I remember Michelle Pfeiffer did Grease 2.
Thanks for ditching me last night. I got a ride home from the Dominos delivery guy. You owe me 3 large pizzas.
We were so tired we rock paper scissored for who would be on top. I won.
I'm watching a Sinbad stand up special. Not even drugs can make this funny.
Just met a girl...She is complaining why on facebook you can't have more then one "open relationship"
I dont know how i feel about her from a moral standpoint...
you just kept swimming in circles and whenever someone would try and coax you out you would scream "i CANNOT drown, my brother is the supervisor of a water park!!
I am soup sandwich. I have been at dAnce party
btw im making up a story about these stitches..... i think a hockey stick to the face sounds better then i fell up the stairs
My mouth feels like it's at the dentist but my body feels like it's at the strip club.
How don't you remember..? You were getting handfuls of skittles out from our bra screaming TASTE THE RAINBOW.
How do I let my trainer know I'm only at the gym so I can get in more intense sex positions?
I'M NOT EVEN STOPPING FOR WINE SO I CAN GET TO THAT DICK QUICKER.
public service announcement: beginning at 10pm please text me at half hour intervals reminding me to keep my legs shut tonight. Note, this is not a drill.
i had sex with a girl named after a fruit last night and it was the best thing to happen to me in 2020
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