I'm getting very good at recycling my hook ups. So even though i'm having more sex... I'm the same amount of slutty.
Yes! I like to call that picking from the buffet!
my mom just asked me what a queef is. she needs to stop watching south park
So I made him an imaginary sandwich and told him that the day I didn't have to fake it, neither would he.
Karaoke into a bottle of boones. dear summer in alabama, glad to see you again.
MISSING: One left eyebrow. Reward if returned.
Pretty sure God shed a tear when I put 15 singles in the collection plate.
why didn't you tell me his penis tasted like oreos?
I feel like everything in this room is sweating
You kept showing everyone at the bar your bra to prove it matched your shoes.
Best surprise in my car. A cookie, sliced kiwi and the rest of my margarita. Work is going to be awesome.
We were debating whether you had hooked up with him. I was right for the record.
We kind of broke a table making out. So yes, I'd say it was successful.
A blind guy just told me that even he could see i was gay and encouraged me to chat up the girl behind that counter bc he thinks we'd make a cute couple. Are all Canadians this helpful?!
It's only ok to pee out the window in the afternoon when you're drunk.
I AM A GOOD PERSON AND THEREFORE I DESERVE QUALITY DICK!
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