You did not just nickname me "Nipples".
I feel as though I could trust her, I mean she did tell me she was married before we had sex.
In the middle of having sex with me, she reminded me that I was supposed to call my mom that morning. My penis has never retracted so quickly.
czant get you from the arport. sry i found the rum. dan sucks at rumpong jusrt so yo knoqw.
This is final. The chair stays in the bathroom, we are too old to be puking from the floor, grown ups sit in chairs infront of the toilet to puke.
Or grown ups don't drink themselves into vomiting.
Just did a slip and slide down a five story staircase in my dorm. Being an engineer is fucking awesome
How do you feel? I threw up in a towel. Also, a lot of other things.
Walk of shame. Stopped at an estate sale on the way back to the house. Old lady pulled a condom wrapper of the back of my hoodie. beat that
I feel you. We can get adjoining rooms. It'll be like Disney world, but with drugs and ivs instead of roller coasters and Mickey Mouse.
Which is way cooler
A dry HJ only, please. I don't deserve the comforts of lube after my horrendous fantasy football performance
Drowning in science and also vodka. Hope you're having fun.
I just googled "can they trace a vibrator back to you" so that' s how my life it going.
Philosophical question for you: is it better to go into work slightly drunk or slightly coked out?
I looked like a tiger in heat. He didn't know if I wanted to fuck him or eat him.
It's not even 8pm on a Friday and I've already got a guy to tell me how big his penis is. Watched anything good on Netflix lately?
Randomize
