Just gargled Fireball to get the fish taco taste out of my mouth. Almost as good as gum.
We told the pizza man that the door was most likely unlocked, he could leave the pizza on the counter and give himself 20%. He did it-I'm never moving out of Aspen.
She tied me up with her honor cords...
i was taking a dump when this random girl ran in, puked all over my lap, then passed out on the floor
did you bang her?
seriously?
Mom just Facebook checked into an Applebees at 2am. Caption: ''WITH THE BESTIEZ.''
Walk-of-shaming home in that dress you got arrested in. Six guys called out your name when I walked past. I've never been more proud of us.
I feel like everything I touch in this bar I'm gonna get hepatitis. my kinda joint
You should offer shots at parent teacher conferences..I bet more ppl come
and you stopped teaching...why?
Although I commend your efforts to keep my penis away from her, your sister is now booty walking up my stairs. Good game though, good game.
I really couldn't care less what she looks like. That's why The Lord Our God gave us doggy-style.
okay yeah but you've seen me eat jambalaya naked
I know he’s a bad decision but he's casual, his penis is amazing and his technique is on point.
What happened last night and why am I partially covered in queso?
I just had drunken sex with an eagle scout behind the boy scouts of america building. what has my life come to?!
I've been drunk texting you for weeks, and you watched me puke outside your house... I say it's time we meet in person.
Randomize
