so its thursday, which means its time to resume communication with you
So i literally just wrote sorry on my quiz and turned it in.
Dignity is for republicans.
i found a twelve pack under my bed. and a six pack in my closet. I'm like a fucking alcoholic squirrel.
You do realize that we bought beer at 9:30 in the morning to avoid sobering up. Stupidity was bound to follow.
You were running around drunk in a Toga chasing the frat's Husky. Of course they remember you.
he got all sad that i was going to fuck his roommate, so i just asked him if it would make him feel better if I let him motor boat me. i am such a saint.
I just think his face would be more attractiveif it was framed by my thighs
guy next to me on the train just pulled out two bottles of gin and a block of cheddar. is slowly making his way through all of them.
A prostitute stole us beer at 3 am
Did I just hear you ask Siri about the meaning of life?
Your friend gave me you're number. I was the guy locked behind the book shelf.
I think you have the wrong number, but I hope you escaped your library-prison?
Well, I'll handle this like I always do. Black the fuck out, make out with randoms, give out my number like candy. You know. Standard operating procedure
She came home, put on the news, left a 20 minute drunk message on her friends machine, then proceeded to play back the entire message laughing hysterically and then just passed out
We fucked on the roof... like that has to mean something
Randomize
