i just peed out my two story window using my cell phone as a flashlight . hope the neighbors didnt see
hes so high that he's convinced hes a duck. hes squating in the bathtub quacking. that was NOT JUST pot.
last night we were having sex and i didn't care if i got off. i was just holding up my hand behind his head so i could look at my new ring. i think he knew.
The bouncer at this strip club is my new best friend. He is also very persuasive. He got me to strip onstage for a t shirt. It's a nice shirt.
Weekday college schedule so far: get high as tits. Watch Family Guy marathons. Repeat.
Well the police had to intervene and I couldn't exactly feel my legs by the end of the night, but I'd say it was a successful Friday night.
First of all, I don't like eggnog. Second of all too much rum is all bad. And thirdly I'm not there to sit in your lap and pretend you are Santa and I've been a bad girl.
Just got cockblocked by my GF's wedding shower... That's a first. And I have to buy a gift.
Apparently it's illegal to hit pedestrians with coke cans... But the cop complimented my arm. That's a win in my book.
Just smoked a joint with the hottest patient. God I love night shifts.
I just ironed my gstring.. this is please fuck my brains out on a whole new level.
Just sent a dick pic to ur girl. It was accident. Plz mail it to Gena.
But I've also made plans to crash a black tie event wearing a storm trooper helmet. I think I've found the love of my life..
I really need to get to the point where I can poop at his house. I’ve taken three shits on the way home already.
I drank beer out of a Frisbee and it was all downhill from there...
Randomize
