it wouldnt have been so bad but she still had the cowboy hat on when my mom walked in
sitting in room practicing taking shots. has my life come to this?
Pretty sure even her dog was surprised when I got that blow job.
I'm flagged. Drank strippers water. Flashed Dave tryin to get a job here. You order the shots. Green tea betch.
All I I know is that there's 2 new contacts in my phone. Drunk Backdoor and Gayass Handshake. Thanks, Jameson.
I guess, just don't make it awkward
MY FUCK BUDDY'S MOTHER FRIEND REQUESTED ME! IT'S ALREADY AWKWARD COREY
You were sitting in the tub, clothed, squirting my KY all over yourself. You said "it's warm." then passed out.
I'm in the power napping at parties stage of my life
You handed J your Mayan-pocalypse shopping list and told him he wasn't getting laid unless he brought everything on it. Where is he supposed to get a live goat?!
Quick question: is it impolite to pause sex to put on my knee brace?
i still can't believe he got laid by going to the bar and handing out "cuddle buddy" application forms
Topless Tuesday? One of us will be really happy the other not so much.
STAY IN YOUR APARTMENT. DONT GO TO SAFEWAY TO BUY CONDOMS. DONT GO TO THE VAN.
Apparently she hired a private investigator when he took out a restraining order on her. So the answer is no, I didn't hit it.
You put a bag of sliced onions in the microwave then screamed, "voila, onion rings!"
Randomize
