My bra smells like weed because there's weed in my bra
Woke up with feathers in my hair. at work. still drunk. sooo awkward.
I think god was stupid personally. The clit should be inside the vagina. Idiot.
He looked at me like he has never had a girl throw up on him before.
He's in bed with me right now. I'm wearing a towel and all I could wish for is my freedom. And pizza.
i mean, i stole her boyfriend and beat her snake score on facebook within 48 hours. not her week.
He was like an artic tracker. Walked ten paces from the tree, then 15 paces from the mailbox, dug down in the snow, and pulled up the case of beer he hid from his parents out there. It tasted like ice cold success.
Last thing I remember is beer bonging sangria. Dear God.
And now we should drink to that moment where you realize you didn't exactly think things through.
I want to go to a gay rodeo for my cross country road trip. It'll be like my very own homo country boy pilgrimage to the holy land.
Alex I've come up with a new medical condition. dick depression. it's a real thing and I have it
Omg she's a human wrecking ball. I love it.
I am to reach this level of casual destruction.
Excuse you? I'm an asshole at least 90% of the time. Get it right.
I'm "drunk text both siblings" drunk.
Heels with jeans turned Casual Friday into Casual Sex With My Boss Friday
Randomize
