I got called a slut by a bunch of girls that work at Hooters..wtf is that shit? explain that to me
i woke up with someone drivers licenses in my wallet this am...he said i don't have a business card so just take my drivers license
Some 6 yr old girl just got on my plane in St. Louis. She was wearing an I Love Canada shirt. She eyed the seat next to me and I stared her straight in the eyes and shook my head. Fuck her. Fuck canada.
The more my room-mate speaks, the more I notice that she was home schooled.
I was thinking Sara Jessica Parker was hot. That high.
he just asked if we wanted to go to an arts and crats club with him tomorrow. every day it becomes harder for me to defend his sexuality
Tonight just feels like one of those I'm going to lose a shoe nights.
Dreamed I made out with a stranger after falling out of a car, let's make this happen tonight.
There should be a company that sends nadgrams. They're like candy grams except the recipient gets kicked in the balls.
oh the usual. high as balls and crying about the hunger games.
I slapped him but he didn't wake up. He just nuzzled my head, hugged me closer, and smiled.
Idk how much vodka is on these pants but I'm gonna wear them anyway: the biopic
There's a burrito next to my bed. Did you buy it for me or is the Chipotle fairy real? And why am I naked?
dude if looks could fuck you two would've been naked in front of everybody
Stopping for a booty call on the way to a lunch date... Bad form?
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