just so you know, the whole club saw your tits last night. and booed.
if you think for one second that i'm not using my mittens as hand puppets at the bar tonight then u dont know me at all!
Yeah, that's not really a good thing. Especially for a girl. You should get a tattoo on your stomach that says "Please wear a condom".
Babe, the 4 years we've been together have been amazing. Will you marry me?
are you seriously doing this over text message
hahaha no, but i am dumping you.
happy birthday! Any relationship between us is now officially illegal.
Just stuffed an entire cupcake in my mouth after finishing third glass of wine. Valentines day is pretty much going how i expected it.
Vegas should really enforce the buddy system because if not everyone is going to end up swimming during the water show in front of the Bellagio.
we shared soup. that is literally the extent of my romantic life right now
I'm beginning to worry that I seem to get along best with people when I'm naked with them.
Im fairly sure two chicks roofied me last night. Suckers. I love free drugs.
Sometimes I just want to serenade his penis with cheesy 80s songs.
I'm so hung over that I just tried to send you a screen shot of the cracked screen on my phone.
I ended up changing her contact in my phone to "O Great Potato".
I'll be naked. By 11. Then arrested. Drunk tank adventures
Gonna do a few lines then clean my room so I can feel like my life is somewhat in order.
Randomize
