I slept walked to the toilet and woke up pooping. Easily one of the most disorienting events of my life.
Bonnaroo quote of the day: "why the fuck am i pregnant?!?!" - exclaimed loudly by random hippie.
I mixed the ketchup wit the mustard in one bottle to save time making hotdogs
you can't exactly throw up or pass out at the pentagon so i had to pull my shit together
protesters in toronto definately have the best pot
I kept feeling my boobs..just to make sure they were still there.
Champagne is a vitamin, right?
Fuck you come back. The old guy next to me is complementing me on my great choice of ring fingers,
WHAT DID YOU SAW VERBATIM. VERBATIM IS SOBER FOR WORD FOR WORD
I'm about to have a bowl of Advils... without any fucking milk.
My husband has seen you naked more times this week than me. I don't consider it a bad thing since you keep bringing the booze to our house. And because my tits are bigger.
If Plan B had a rewards card I would have earned so many free tote bags by now
That's too much drama for once a month dick... that's in-house dick drama only
Also either i just launched into space as a rocket or my legs just orgasmed, but i am high as a soul train
right after that u started calling me g-force and started trying to bellyslide down his drive way
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