weak ass sauce last night. waste of time. you suck. ps. your boobs are fake
Dude ur right that IS what a vagina looks like!
Do everybody a favor and GET LAID MORE.
Just tried to put my sweatpants on backwards...the chances of passing my physics exam just went down about 100%.
you cant keep talent like that locked up in a relationship
he asked me to "shake his dick" when he introduced himself, playing naked football with you in our living room. $100 says you two get married one day.
You couldn't find your shoe so you introduced yourself as Cinderella for the rest of the night.
Ahh that explains the text from creepy mike saying he would be my prince charming.
If the world ends now I want you to know I was on my favorite toilet fighting the good fight.
Dude if i sent you a picture of the inside of my fridge would you be able to break down and explain everything that was in it?
I don't think he cares about your inhospitable uterus.
I think he just tried to put your boyfriend in a trashcan....
But I got head on a boat yesterday which was sweet until a bald eagle flew over. Then it became life affirming.
" my drug dealer just stopped by and did an elmo impression for my 2 year old nephew."
he yelled at me like a drill sergeant while I quickly tried to take off my pants
I walked in on my sister eating my leftover burrito naked. How could my night have gotten any worse?
His penis is the only thing worth pursuing but all the baggage attached isn't.
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