i may or may not be watching the land before time
he is not the type of person you only have sex with once. god adds years to your life every time you sleep with him.
Just lost my virginity while listening to rick astley. torn between horror and jubilation
Anyone who says sunshine brings happyness has never woken up with the worst hangover of their life to their window being open and it being a bright shinny day
this guy is so high, he just ate half of a frozen blueberry muffin and half of a frozen poppyseed muffin, then proceeded to make a "hybrid poppyberry muffin"
I think I ordered pizza when I got home. The email said the delivery time was noon today. So if that shit shows up I am the most amazing drunk on the planet.
in case you blackout.. this is confirmation that yes, you were sitting spread eagle on the kitchen floor chugging pickle juice out of the jar.
There's a black statue of liberty dancing on the side of the road. Please hold while I join him.
I'd say tonight was pretty successful. I rode an iron horse naked and sweet talked myself out of an MIC while wearing a bra filled with four loko.
when you come home i just want to let you know we are cats now. and we are out of eggs.
this is definitely the first time I've ever had an orgasm and then had potatoes smeared on me within the same hour
be right there i have to get my cape
Lies! You took my virginity, and now my cigarettes!
I just tried to snap you a picture of the CVS where we decided not to become parents.
Stranded. In bathroom stall. No toilet paper. I repeat NO TOILET PAPER! Assistance needed asap. GO! GO! GO!
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