Dude I got a text from you at 1:30 last night and you didn't use any vowels
Haha, I didn't want to buy any... we're in a recession you know
I just told my parents that Capt'n Crunch does weird things to my mouth... my dad just stared at me
Maryland truck stops are full of people with killer mustaches
I saw a girl walking around campus with bandages on both her knees. I need to get her number.
Hey I never found my wallet but i did find a bag of 14 soft taco supremes
I have your wallet. Trade you for the tacos.
I've reached too hung over to move status will you bring me something to drink?
I moved out 2 weeks ago remember?
Can you ship it to me then?
Twas the night before the bachelor party, and all thru the house...not a creature was stirring, not even a stripper?...
WHAT IF you could get pizza delivered to you IN YOUR CAR while driving somewhere. Like moving roadside service.
You're High aren't you?
Sooooo high
Hot freshmen.....hot freshmen chicks everywhere
You say this every welcome week, bro.
Imagine getting a FB inbox "hey I found your ID on the floor of a bar can you send me a mugshot so I can get a second piece of ID made?"
Why isn't there a super hero that comes to the aide of really high kids when they kill their car battery?
Your Vodka Saturday privileges have been reduced to Beer until you go a full month without losing an article of clothing.
I walked in describing her boobs thinking I was talking to you only to hear dad say 'I remember when your moms were like that'. ALWAYS tell me when they get home early. Always
I’m home.
I’m aware. I just dropped you off.
he asked me for a magic BJ...is that supposed to be different from a normal BJ?
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