i'm trying to reconcile what i did last night with who i am as a person.
does he have a tent? the camping kind not the boner kind.
I am officially superior to you. I said "Go Go Gadget Dick" before I fucked her. I dare you to beat that.
the choice between paying your electricity bill and getting herpes medicine is a tough one.
Not only do I have sand in my ass, but a crab pinched me while we were fucking. Still totally worth it.
I woke up with a Nike swoosh shaved into my chest hair. my friend got 3 stitches. my phone had a text that simply read "fuck you". I say it was a good party.
I turned down free cocaine. I both respect and regret and that decision.
I should show up to the gym drunk more often. I felt like i really motivated all the fat people.
Ya, because touching his brother's face for 20 minutes in front of him wasn't bad enough, I also threw up in his garden and stole like 10 of his shirts before I left. But I fed his dog, so it's okay.
There's a middle eastern man wearing a cow costume with tequila coming out of his udders, but I'm not sober enough to feel uncomfortable with it.
They made up a new version of "Smash or Pass" called "I would(n't) let you sit on my face" to yell at the freshman
I'd marry him just to keep his penis in the country
Why did u text me "I want to get drunk and go to pizza hut tomorrow. don't let me forget." at 3am??
That text was pretty fucking self-explanatory, man.
My history professo slid into my DMs. Granted I did give him “fuck me” eyes during a lecture a few times.
I ate all your munchie Mac and Cheese cause you left me on the lawn. If you don't want it to happen gain, drag my drunk ass inside next time
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