you went around the entire night in your french maid costume dusting off the "cob webs" on everyone's crotch saying "you havent gotten any action in a while"
I was wondering why i got so many friend requests the next day...
I didn't exactley write on my bucket list -- "hook up with a townie at a drivers intervention program"
She went off on a twilight/new moon tangent before we even got back to my room. i had to jump the ship and pretended to pass out on the sidewalk.
I can't believe I had to convince you to not drink butter.
First thought today, I need a ventriloquist dummy that looks like me. This week's project has been determined.
My last google search of the night was "Things that cost $102.50"
We are going to get high as balls and watch netflix
THIS IS WHAT BEING AN ADULT LOOKS LIKE
Oh god. I asked to "play his sexaphone" which I though was a super sex way to say "let me blow you". He fucking walked home at 4:30am
Never thought I would be taunted by little kids about my walk of shame
Apparently we don't communicate very well unless we're drunk and/or naked
Do you think casino weekend will remind us once again that we in fact are not mature enough to be this old?
I knew deleting his texts was a bad idea and I was right. I just used the last time we talked to help me figure out when I had my last period
i just had diarrhea that people from the 1930's would have died from
IN OTHER NEWS did you guys see Orlando Bloom's penis today? I did
Oh please. Preoccupy yourself with my penis.
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