shhh. i hid the ranch dip behind the rooster. don't tell anyone that way you can find it in the morning and it won't be all eaten.
wrong number but thanks
Just made out with the bride... She was still in her dress & I was still in my bridesmaid dress, how's that for an album picture?!?
There are 3 pics of me on my camera, naked, wearing only an apron, scooping ice cream.
Just found a hole in my wall with your left shoe in it.
You passed out and she managed to carry you all the way back to your dorm last night. I believe your testicles now her property.
That just sounds like a recipe for sex in my backyard. Yes.
You just kept walking around saying "my brain is soup" then sat on the kitchen counter washing your feet. You bit the guy that tried to help you down
So how much of last night are we going to pretend never happened? Enough to stay friends?
You were chugging tap water out of a running blender screaming "bubbles is Perrier mother fucker"
You know you're in the hamptons when it's 10pm And you kind of want to vomit white wine on rug that costs more than your apartment.
I'm so upset I left my sombrero at the expo center
Stories. There's stories.
MEGHAN YOU'VE BEEN THERE FOR 20 MINUTES
I'm glad I didn't see Grandma stumbling drunk and peeing herself...it would be like seeing my future.
We found him. He just came running out of the closet with a bruise on his face saying he has been fighting elves in Narnia for a year.
Last night I ate a candle out of a strippers ass.... I guess it was an okay night.
Randomize
