I was getting a bj with sports center on in the background
Da na na, na na naa
After she threw up on my floor she started singing "this is why I'm hot."
dude there is absolutely no room for a slide in our room
Just drunk tweeted NASA asking them to give me a lift home in one of their spaceships. Fingers crossed
she says she's going to shake me awake in 15min intervals if I pass out
this was your mom?
He's asking if he can send a dick pic. How do I politely decline that?
I was talking to another guy at the bar last night and all of a sudden a flying piece of Sausage lands on my boobs. Then I hear my boyfriend yell, "just marking my territory."
I just Miyagied my roommate through her first set of tit pics. Her fuck buddy owes me.
It gave me the St Patrick's Day nickname Slutty McShitfaced. I've never felt so understood.
Are you going to eat tacos off the floor again?
I wish I were single again so I could actually have sex.
One of my favorite March activities is cropdusting people while wearing a kilt.
i pushed adam in a shopping cart for 15 blocks, then we realized we left tyler downtown
did you go back and get him?
nah we went to a karaoke bar instead, so worth it
I just lived through a real life episode of jersey shore.
I know we agreed to cock block each other from now on buttt I WANT this one. I have felt his penis, it is godly, and I am going to have it inside of me, so shut the fuck up and leave.
Randomize
