woke up in a freezing tub of water at 6 am again. probably should stop the drunk baths
We are NOT roofying him just to get him to pass out so we can build a masive snow cock in his yard.
It's sad that the best source of heat that I have is my vaporizer.
I'll always be here to give you immoral support.
Bonding with my year old cousin over the fact that we both shit ourselves. Babysitting like a bosss
Flaming shots last night. Missing an eye brow. There a connection?
My bar tender texts me around 5ish and ask what I feel like, so it's ready for me when I get home. All star service.
Dude. You are the LAST person that should live above a bar.
The profile of her ass is just unreal. Weird way to use profile I know, but never more accurate
I'm drunk eating a quesadilla while this kid is tryina come over and I'm just like no. I want the quesadilla.
Btw "you gettin a workout in" isn't a great gym pickup line. Like no I'm fucking grabbing lunch on my way to class.
I think the highlight of my night is when I was eating a mayonnaise sandwich. drunk me was on point.
But like it was sooo bad! At one point he tried to flip me over and he fell off the bed
My six-margarita-deep ass just used a blow torch to light the match that lit my bong pack. Peak single 🤦ðŸ¼â€â™€ï¸
OF COURSE I FUCKED HIM! Did you not read the part about him having red and green Christmas condoms?
do nipples grow back?
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