You blewit but ill be back in laekciew tonigthso calll mee
You'll put your fingers inside me but you won't be my FB friend?
I think I have a pornographic memory.
Don't you mean photographic?
No.
I like waking up with a slight hangover cause I'm dehydrated and it makes me feel thinner.
Did your dad mention the fact that you asked him for viagra at 2 in the morning?
I woke up to you in just boxers at my door at 7a.m. with you saying how many squrriels you counted on the walk back, then you made me penis shaped pancakes
He's a waiter, looks 15, and told me he loved me after only talking to me for 30 minutes. I told him I wanted a margarita. We got 3 free pitchers. I may have to make this our regular Wednesday night hangout.
Im still alive. Just can't talk. Or move. No need to worry
A guy with the name Pootie Tang winked st me and a guy that doesn't speak English messaged me. These are my choices?
Congratulations, you've begun to unfuck your life.
I need to reevaluate my stance on weekday hangovers...
I honestly just wanna put my face in her tits and disappear from this plane of existence
I experienced pure joy just moments ago when I looked down and saw that I had another pop tart to consume down my mouth hole.
The more drunk I get the more I want to steal a lamb
What would be the possible repercussions of lamb theft
Either my boss has an enormous dick or he’s hiding a can of tennis balls in his bike shorts
Maybe I will go to the company picnic
Randomize
