i just pissed myself at work. maybe they'll buy the old coffee spill trick
it was really bad. he went around saying "I want you inside of me" to everyone.
I'm going to leave the fate of whether I go to my midterms up to my dealer hitting me up or not
Guys, right now i need a picture of a squirrel, preferably with one of you guys but not necessary.
Cavemen vs astronauts. weapons to be determined. Who would win?
Gong!
YOU'RE MARRIED NOW YOU CAN'T KEEP GONGING ME WHEN YOU GET LAID IT DOESN'T COUNT
She tried to sing jingle balls while blowing me
I'm smoking in a kimono on the couch. Bring me gin.
I'm hoping you were seen by someone holding a frozen turkey at 230 in the morning
What type of condoms do you get ? Oh and do you want a slurpee while I'm here
I just gotta say that I feel so much better now that I got some. I mean I feel like a normal functioning adult ready to contribute to society.
Accidentally made a straight guy question his sexuality again. I really gotta watch myself.
Can you get winded from lip syncing? I don't know how Britney does it
Just threw up in a baggy on the airplane. The guys next to me clapped and bought me a jack and coke.
Livin the dream
I'm wearing jeans from 7th grade and drinking a fucking macchiato. This better be a good day.
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