somebody snuck up and got me drunk
She wanted to fuck you. You threw up on her. Congrats.
I dont think problem is the right word. Problems arent something you enjoy. Life would be too boring without gambling.
Didn't get to fuck her. Had to leave abruptly through window. Explain later.
we got cut off at 8 am. He spilled his drink three times on the plane. this should be one hell of a vegas trip
I will also take that commission in the form of weed. Pass that on to the asst. manager.
I FEEL LIKE I CAN TAKE DOWN A FULLY GROWN MOUNTAIN LION WITH ONLY A POINTY STICK OH MY GOD
I wonder if the fact that I'm listening to the theme from lion king gives my neighbors the impression that im tripping faceeeee
I hope you have a dream of a sloth with my face touching you erotically
For future reference. Do not congratulate the bar tender at oscars she is not pregnant she has just gotten fat u will get a shot thrown in your face
one of these days i'm gonna do a sparkly magical girl transformation into snoop dogg
i may or may not have triedto pee like a boy and then dipped cheese ino the olive oil
He also told me he would eat mozzarella sticks before having sex with me so I'm mad at him.
Woke up and took my pants off only to realize that I was wearing my shirt from last night as my underwear
I just want to order a very large pizza and get very drunk and very laid.
Randomize
