I'm just looking at Lindsay Lohan's vagina.
Oh yea! I was just doing that too!
this girl im hooking up with thought my ring was a purity ring... apparently im taking it too slow
Just ate lunch with a paperclip again. Seriously, need to invest in plastic forks.
if you ever come into my room screaming for me to set up rockband at 4:45 am ever again i will kill you
Exactly. wat kind of friend would i be if i even pretended to give a shit about ur problems
I AM SAFE. EVERYTHING IS FOG. MISSION ACCOMPLISHED.
I'm on my "fiiiiirrrst" glass of wine- the quotes mean it's the last of the bottle- so I really need you to pick up your phone so we can talk about this
I have got to stop singing on voicemails. I just left my dad a 6 minute musical message.
Drinking vodka straight from my water bottle because of the debate. I just need to forget.
I just gave a bum a ride back to his bench. Columbus is weird but I like it.
just tried to scoop ice cream with a steak knife. now in the emergency room with a the cab diver and the drag queen he picked up on the way. its gonna be a loooong day.
THAT BEAUTIFUL FACE AND HEAVENLY LIGHTING IS NOT HELPING THE NOT DEAD POINT HOW DO I NOT KNOW YOU ARE NOT TEXTING ME FROM THE AFTERLIFE
The after life smells like latex gloves and hand soap
Theres a handprint of sauce on my fridge, one on my face, and a trail of it leading to my bedroom, and sauce all in my bed, and I have no idea what the fuck i ate.
I’ll always remember that day you sent me that random nude on accident lmao changed my life
Working from home has been great for my sex life! A few of my neighbors are in open marriages and several more wish they were!!!
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