Laying in bed naked with the guy I just fucked, talking to his WIFE who's sitting across from us like we're having a fucking tea party. This is interesting.
Who goes to Church hungover
Those who weren't lucky enough to go still drunk
it seems as if every mistake i've ever made in life i've had an errection in one hand and a bud light in the other
They should make a Rosetta Stone that allows men to understand what the fuck women are actually trying to say.
So there is a chick dressed up in a vagina costume handing out free condoms next to the dude handing out free Bibles and preaching about sin. I love college.
vegan vag taste different. and not a good different
Woke up on the floor holding a sandwich. Shots. Never again.
Why is there a chicken nugget nailed to my front door?
Just had Jager bombs for breakfast with her roommate... I do not regret this newfound lesbianism.
She told me that for every Ravens touchdown, I'd get to come once.
Marry her. Marry her now. I'll help you steal the ring.
I will not get drunk on our first date. I will not get drunk on our first date. I will not get drunk on our first date.
Just got tinder matched with my COMM TA. Game on.
It was the easiest thing I've ever done. 3am she walked into my room, saw my Buffalo Bills blanket, said go bills and got naked.
When she said "Tighten your safety belt and hold on!", that should have been a clear sign to me that one should never go off-roading in a rental car. On the bright side, they were able to tow her car out the next morning.
Sara can't come to the phone right now. She's currently having an in-depth conversation with a flower pot.
Randomize
