I feel like death. Did you die last night?
Nope. Ready for round 2. Fiesta!
unreal. Greatest comeback since Jesus
Do you think there is vodka in heaven?
you let me eat a milky way from your vagina. G is not lettin you hang out for eternity
I just let someone steal something bc they were so fucking weird and wouldn't leave me alone
Sign #1 this conference will suck: Ice breaker question, how many proud virgins do we have in the room, overwhelming response. Looks like I'm not getting laid this weekend.
Blonde 1 is sitting on the floor crying and blonde 2 is asleep with her face in the toilet. This isn't what I had in mind when they asked me back
I wish we could tell the moving van to wait at the strip club for a while.
found out that hot proper business chick in my class A) did a bar crawl last 2 night and still showed up to class and B) is 19 and C) so not as proper as I thought D) is single. How the fuck does that work? Freaking superwoman.
Yeah, I wish I could have one upped you. But all I did was ride circles around a cop on a stolen bicycle while laughing at him for telling me to stop riding on the sidewalk.
She insisted we fuck to Ludacris, not how I imagined popping her lesbian cherry would be. I tried delt and I liked it.
this night just went from meh to biblical thanks to drunk naked yahtzee
i'm covered in glitter and body paint WTF
We're showing the video later bring pizza
if i don't get grease into my system pronto i will undoubtedly die
well he said my boobs made him believe in love at first sight so that's cool
You know the bunny onesie you sent me? Happy Halloween, I just did the hop of shame.
Dear sober self, your keys are on the table in front of you the only way your typing this is with autocorrect goodnight love you
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