dude i was like still drunk, taking pictures of her while she was naked and asleep and she woke up
haha what'd she say
i don't know man, something about us dating. but i never talked to her sober so i said i was making breakfast and snuck out of her house. close calls man WTF
I wish you would just come have sex with me in ihop. I don't want to be here
You're the only person that can successfully use titties and Jesus in the same sentence.
Considering how much money I just spent on slutty lingerie, it is totally appropriate for me to be plucking my nipple hair right now. Right?
When she sees your dick for the first time, tell her it glows blue when orcs are close
Here you are just trying to masturbate and I'm talking to you like your an initiate for some secret society.
I don't know his last name, but he's in phone as Pat the conqueror.
My last 2 google image searches were 'a lot of pudding' followed by 'a generous portion of pudding'
I am the murdurer of this scooby doo episode
OKAY THAT'S CREEPY AND I'D PROBABLY ACCIDENTLY ORGASM
You were holding onto her boobs like you were adrift at sea and they were the only flotation devices
I am NOT pregnant
My barren womb can FUCK WHOEVER I want
All my friends are going on vacations with their boyfriends while I’m over here in court trying to get a restraining order against my ex....
I am now banned from the bar... Because you got head from my ex in the woman's restroom
Last time we had sex i was dressed like a ninja turtle and someone else was in our bed, so this time should be fine.
I hope ur kiddin
wish i was
Randomize
