Imagine two people making love on top of a unicorn . . . my life is the opposite of that.
I just made $100 from people paying me not to get naked at the party... I need those P90X dvds
are you excited because you wanna see me or because you wanna get laid?
bc i get to see you. naked.
Jim came in did 3 body shots of her she said "I like your tongue" and they left. I swear to god its deja vu he's done it before
In chronological order you drank, sang, smoked, napped, threw up, cried, laughed, described your pubic area, passed out. You have abused the privilege to use me as your D.D.
We were thinking he might be gay. Like how the fuck do you not even make out with a girl that made you a grilled cheese
Even though we had just had to physically take her off of someones lawn she was peeing on when they came outside, she still insisted on walking unassisted the rest of the way home. It was dignity meets shit show.
I want to see boobs tonight. Like, real ones. Your ones.
I'm romantic.
He held back my hair as I puked, then kindly asked me to slightly move my head over and pissed right next to my face.
We got buck wild in our animal onesies last night. You kept ripping off your tail in angry rages.
who is the naked dude on the coffee table
thats jeff, jeff is nice so don't be rude
just yelled CURVEBALL at my nightie because it turned out to be a pair of shorts
I don't want to date him...I just want him to cheat on his girlfriend with me.
Got lost on the way to my dealer again. He stayed on the phone with me untill i found him and then hooked it up because I got lost.. What a genuine person.
Just so you know, you called at 2 last night and kept making me tell you that I loved you and then when you got home you thanked me for walking you home. Incase you forgot, I'm still about 200 miles away.
Randomize
