I am coming home for anal
* a nap*
does he have a tent? the camping kind not the boner kind.
if i find out your the one who pierced my belly button im going to fuck your sister again
He's either jacking off or listening to Kanye West.
Is it sad I don't want to go buy $1 Mac-n-cheese cause I need to pay rent... I'm re-naming this college.
Also, peanut butter on a spoon dinner is back in existence and it is good.
Can't tell if its the LSD or if that demon man just stared at my penis. Cleveland is a weird place. All true stories.
Looked like a bag of smashed assholes and smelt like a brewery - still got morning sex. Marriage rules sometimes!
All the party invite said was a date and "21 to drink, 18ish to sleep over"
We grabbed as many adult diapers as we could and made a run for it.
Like did I tell you about the ex Amish guy? Because that was a mess
Sorry for yelling at you, I'm just really emotional about missing comicon.
Just let me put on a bra and brush the alcohol out of my hair.
I'm still amazed at how you managed to get Doritos in my damn front pocket without me noticing. I got crumbs everywhere.
Mike's letting gay guys do body shots off him again.
My boyfriend, ladies and gentlemen.
Who’s got two thumbs and just got laid in the administration building?
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