i just pooped in tubberware. not a proud day
Third unemployed latin in my bed this week. I'm on a roll
Good luck! Who knows he might be a stallion in the bedroom! or it could be like having sex with a crayon.
closing bar tabs have helped me with simple math in college.
Changed it back. Somehow I didn't think my profile pic should be me shirtless on ecstasy, ya know?
we got cut off at 8 am. He spilled his drink three times on the plane. this should be one hell of a vegas trip
I standby a snuggie being perfectly acceptable attire for drunkenly walking your dog at 5am. Our new neighbors did not seem to agree.
I cooked you Mac and cheese when I was drunk and drugged. That counts for about 4 meals. Try harder
You kept trying to use my cat as a napkin.
I'm pretty sure I just crapped out my pancreas. I have 2 of those, right?
I don't remember because I was drunk out of my mind, but I have it on good authority that weed cinnamon buns at 3 in the morning with chocolate milk are better than sex.
So the contents found in my winter coats this year: coat 1, condom and 10$. Coat 2, condom and 75$ check. Coat 3, 2.05$ and a sunflower seed.
Obviously coat 3 had the best time since you used the condom and all of the money
Don't feel sorry for me. I'm getting Red Lobster and sex tonight. Nothing can bring me too far down.
Come to find out, there is a place where binge drinking and aggressive head butting is completely appropriate. In a mosh pit, Travis is just a regular dude!
Wow you are like a taller more attractive sex Yoda.
Randomize
