"I want to just tie you up so you\'ll still be here like this when I get home." Actual words.
I just left the house and 2 chicks are in the kitchen making breakfast. Might want to get up.
I'm up, no shirt, and staring at a breakfast casserole. Who are these girls?
handjob tips. give me some.
the girl next to me in class is drawing a guy banging a chick doggy style...its very detailed
I started drinking at 10.30am. Ive got a solid buzz, ive decided holidays are to be treated like gamedays
for future reference: even when 4 loko is flat it still fucks you up. im near a tree. come find me.
Did you guys have sex yet? And don't worry, I broke the ice already by sending this to both of you. So you can just jump right into it. You're welcome.
Thanks for letting me rent out your vagina rec room. I don't expect the security deposit back.
I just figured out how I'm going to tie you to my bed. Hint: I may have to go to the auto parts store before you get here.
I just got caught impersonating a t-Rex by my boss. Sadly he wasn't fazed by my behavior and acted like it was normal.
I'm usually good at keeping a straight face, but not while singing a ballad to a stranger in a bathroom.
Settled one third of the tab. Am going back for sex. Love you, make friends
side note: on a scale of 1-10, how bad an idea is it to hook up with 9 cats guy?
I think we can say happy hour is successful when you have frosting and southern comfort in your hair.
How I know we're old. Don knows the owner. The owner said 'How about some shots?' We said no thanks. He looked puzzled and came back later and said 'You know it's on the house?' We said 'Yeah, no thanks.'
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