Jennifer and I just ate like 4 jello shots w/ a guy dressed as inspector gadget. We are still in the capital building btw
I love Texas.
I know its time to do laundry... i cant even find a dirty sock to wear because they all have jizz in them
Now I have to picture Dave Letterman having sex with all these women. Im the real victim.
Do they take checks?
Did you really just ask me if you could write a check for a DRUG DEAL?
And you just kept trying to fit through the dog door and not drop Jello shots.
At the airport and im So hungover. Think anyone will help if I put a note on me reading "flying to Boston, please wake me as we board" and then passing back out?
She was either really drunk or really not interested. Everytime I tried to ask her about herself she would respond with a line from Stepbrothers.
Dude she's famous. She's on an episode of campus pd. Can't not fuck her
Also, your vagina needs a time out and let your brain have a chance to make decisions.
I shit myself. Legit. And I burnt my tongue. Unrelated incidents, but related in the sense of general discomfort.
After sex he just told me I'm definitely pregnant and it's a girl. Should I run?
That reminds me of the morning I woke up on the sidewalk covered in chicken wings
"can you come pick me up from the ikea parking garage i think i slept here"
I woke up at 5am on my couch, naked, with a cereal bowl of water next to me. Apprently, drunk me thought I was a kitten last night. Super impressed I slept next to the bowl all night and didn't spill a drop.
Had sex on the beach last night with a drug dealer. win-win-win situation
Randomize