We even fucked WHILE he was making me breakfast in bed.
how in the hell can u get pulled over when ur car is parked.
my dentist asked me why my tooth was chipped, i told him i couldn't remember. i think he understands.
Oh it's happening. I'm Chugging a beer while sitting next to a 6 year old
the fda needs to get their shit together cause these four loko going away parties are gonna kill me
I'm love that we're talking about a possible 3rd 3some, and that you're going to be a dad.
I'm functioning at the level of a challenged walrus.
You sir are most definitely in. Better get your penis an umbrella as that bad boy is gonna get soakkkkkkeddddd.
Turns out lunch break sex with someone you cant stand being around for any amount of time just makes you wish you had gone to get tacos like you originally planed.
Look at my fb. It says single. That's the gospel.
You don't know how emotionally damaged I am from crashing into that park maintenance van. I'll never ride a bike because of it.
For not really liking Christmas, I have an astounding amount of holiday-themed lingerie
i guess "never drinking again" is not an option when you invent a whole new level of drunk...
My breath smells like dick and biscuits..
My mom said "I saw the signs you guys were high, so I made the spaghetti"....so ya, I'd say she definitely knew
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