I did that thing where I cum for no reason again.
hey did I tally my arm again of # of shots?
nope, you were tallying rejections at the party
Just told him about my threesome. if that doesn't make him want to date me nothing will.
Dude, I had to masturbate just to stay warm. Please pay the gas bill?
I just helped a group of highschool stoners find a safe place to smoke I feel like a responsible rolemodel
There is a bottle of ciroc waiting graciously on my breakfast table. It's almost a sign for me to live up to my Russian blood.
No, I did not fuck him for football tickets. I fucked him for tickets to the superbowl. I'm not that much of a slut.
i'll booty call him tonight after the radiohead concert, that way he can see his favorite band and his favorite vagina all in one night.
You know what i just remembered? I asked the 8 ball if i was gonna get kicked out this semester before any of this stuff happened and it said yes. ITS REAL.
No more jager for that guy. He jacked the neighbor kids big wheel, rode around making jet noises, then passed out behind the wheel and rolled it and broke his wrist
I think my body is a cloud. This mixture of things is heavenly. Dare was wrong, drugs are awesome.
I found out Naomi Campbell and I have the same birthday and I feel like that explains so much
We got caught fucking on the couch while I was in my Godzilla onesie.
I fucked his roommate. And that roommate's best friend. And my roommate. And my roommate's old roommate.
i'm bowing down, but slow your roll.
how does that bad decision feel?
Randomize
