When I meet a new girl, I'm terrified of mentioning something she hasn't already told me but that I have learned from some light internet stalking.
This lady in my dui class just asked what patron was. I feel like she doesn't belong here
You tried to convince our cab driver that your $2 bill was worth $11.70
I just asked the contractor building my house what it would cost to put a garbage disposal in all the shower drains...there was a lot of judging going on.
I need to stop drinking. Side note- we have a party bus tonight. So the drinking will have to end after that
"The juvenile turned and faced the officer, unzipped his pants, placed a fresh cigarette in between his legs and preceded to light it with a match"
We found him sitting in a beach chair in the basement storage room passed out. Idk if we should move him or pass the bowl around.
Although I commend your efforts to keep my penis away from her, your sister is now booty walking up my stairs. Good game though, good game.
I think I just legit sprained my wrist from holding myself up while giving a blow J. God dammit come already
Just got home. Taking a quick shower. I smell like sex and chorizo. Dont ask.
He's going to find out eventually, but really what's he going to do? Cry about it and buy another fucking kitten??
You blacked out at 9:30 and insisted on sleeping in the hallway after you chugged an entire pitcher of beer. I guess the Jell-O shots were stronger than we thought...
Ur dad just showed me a tit pic he got omf
It's going to turn into you and me throwing down in a devastating lip-synch battle while everyone else stands around awkwardly.
I would climb him like a jungle gym. Enthusiastically and creatively.
Randomize
