i hope S**** or M***** or someone took note of the fact that i was drinking popov like water and could no longer form sentences. i mean, dont get me wrong i had been thinking about boning R*** long before my sobriety left the picture but the number of reasons not to, outweighed the temptation and without sir robert burnett as R***'s wingman, it would have never happened
I love wearing low cut shirts cuz then when class gets boring, I can look down and admire my breasts.
I want Paula Dean to narrate shark week next year
If it was designed to hold water, it was designer to hold wine
I consider it a good night. I met Jimmy Buffet, who grabbed my ass, and I body-checked a toddler. She had it coming.
She gave me a foot massage while her friend rode me. Your gf puked into the oscolating fan. How were our nites alike?
How the hell did he get a boner in that type of situation?
ATTENTION ALL CONTESTANTS OF SLUTFEST 2012 ; not only will we be judging on how many penis you have sucked but also girth and length will be calculated. If you are found lying you will be disqualified. Remember your fellow participants will be rendering the same services to probably the same people. So choose wisely and let the games begin!
So a list of things I should stay away from bringing up at dinner with your fiance tonight?
1) you and I went to a strip club 2) i saw you topless at said strip club 3) i cried when we watched the Real World
He cheated on me in real life. I can cheat at words with friends.
I made him say "i realize i'm cheating on my girlfriend" five times aloud before i would hook up with him. Somehow that has to lessen my bad karma
I'm about to fuck a girl in an old school Tony Kukoc Bulls jersey. About to earn my third championship ring in sex
Congrats! Its a fuck boy!
I called plan parenthood at 407 am... Guess I was thinking ahead
When I came she triumphantly exclaimed, "MUAHAHA VICTORY IS MINE!"
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