after giving me morning oral, he left saying "hate to eat and run but..." oh yeah, he's getting a second date.
I just got wrote up for "repeatedly smelling like alcohol"
That was long passed due.
Yes someone did see you carrying a beer bong on the side of coastal highway
So somehow I got from NYC to a suburban town in the middle of Jersey. At 4am. Thank god there are trains that can rectify my mistakes...
You tried feeding my python vodka through a funnel. Fuck off.
you were fixing your hair in the bathroom mirror and then fell backwards through the locked stall while she was in mid pee and fell on her lap.
I'm pretty sure my lung is caught on my rib. And I can't feel the left side of my face. Best. Sex. Ever.
I woke up and he was just feeling up my stomach. I felt like buddha and he was rubbing my belly for good luck. never again.
How many stacks you been grindin gangsta?
omg mom no
It's so blood brotha crip what be good
I put my hydrocodone prescription in my cereal box its like real lucky charms
Well it's like a wise man once told me: "If you're going to shave your balls, don't do it hungover."
I just want to lay in a bed of egg mcmuffins and cry
I just dropped a chicken nugget on the floor and seriously prayed that it would be ok....I think this job is making me crazy.
we have beer and we're watching the birds have sex in our yard.
Remember how I was complaining about how no guy has ever gotten me off?
Randomize
