I don't know what you were told but i for sure didn't sleep with any one but steve's couch.
Those are some awfully high standards for someone of your weight
Hey! Thanks for asking, but it didnt go well. He threw up in the car on the way to dinner. Blind dates arent for everyone.
hey just checking if u still hate me for sleeping with your sister?
How am I a tease?
Dude you flashed me ur vagina and walked away.
ONLY PART OF IT.
I just looked at a girl and was like what disease does she have? And then my mind caught up ohhh shes pregnant.
5am, I am wayy too drunk for this. Hookers came out of nowhere. They're like ninjas. Some poor soul got the fat one, tomorrow's going to be interesting...
The owner of this phone is no longer accepting texts from liars, assholes or married men. You figure out which one applies.
I just can't even fathom the crazy and I work at a mental hospital.
I have good news and bad news. Bad news, she's not in porn. Good news, I found porn.
Tequila, beer, rum, gin, and vodka all mixed in my body last night. The whole "never turn down free booze" is catching up to me. Hungover = understatement of the year.
We're taking a shot every time Landon Donovan takes a shot. It's clever, sort of.
We were just getting out tux's at men's warehouse he pulled both of the fitting room girls. I dont think he should be getting married
HE'S FUCKING 19 YEARS OLD, HE CAN'T EVEN GET INTO A BAR WITH ME, WHAT MAKES YOU THINK I'LL LET HIM IN MY PANTS?!
She pregamed while taking a shower. Came out clean and drunk.
Randomize
