I really like you and I'm tired of just hooking up. I want you be my boyfriend.
Uhh, I'm not breaking up with my girlfriend to be with you.
Just left a map of the Aleutian islands on this Eskimo girls face. Check one off my Alaska to do list.
she woke up, said "please dont tell me your name, i dont want to remember it"
i prefer some hard alcohol, but wine makes me feel less of a progressive alcoholic
Slutapocalypse this thursday. Invite every freshieee you hooked up with this semester to my house. Think of it like a meet n greet for them and battle of the sluts for us.
yea man just watch out- theres a shitload of broken glass in your bed
There was a note in my hello kitty underwear telling me "don't go over 9000"
No more fucking baseball tools. Walk-of-shamed home in only a pinstriped jersey and a Red Sox SnapBack.
Drinking franzia alone at noon watching a cheese themed episode of "The Chew" I'm ready to admit I need a job.
I just found a weed leaf in my leg hair..
He held the kayak still so I wouldn't tip over while projectile vomiting. If that ain't true love, I don't know what is...
I went up by the border of Canada. We took shrooms and went fishing...pretty sure we killed a dragon and ate it for dinner
So I just saw someone get shoved into a car trunk by your car.
Crazy homeless man drinking beer out of a vitamin water container on the bus just set me up on a date with the yuppie next to him
I am listening to Jack Johnson and wearing the sweater your Mother made me fuck mother nature I am in my happy place right now
Randomize