just smash crush and snort whatever we can get our paws on
I knew I fell for you for a reason
Cleveland boys shit in their own pumpkins in their own living room. Got pictures to prove it.
so whenever I text yeah my phone automatically corrects it to yeahhhheeehhyeahyeahh .. too much party in the USA?
i kind of just want to tell my cleaning lady I'm an alcoholic so it's not awkward when I stumble out of my room to go sit in my car for 2 hours and wait for her to finish cleaning the several empty bottles of wine in my room
my mom noticed the "toothpaste" stain on my tshirt...she repeatedly attempted to get it off by licking her thumb and rubbing it. See Jenn it obviously doesnt taste that bad...
you two really need to work out your issues. my vagina can't handle another week of your pent up frustrations.
if you ever get a chance to, fuck in a lecture hall. great acoustics. highly recommend it.
Somewhere between the 30 minutes of cunnilingus, the improvised song about the Olympics, and the super thoughtful shower beer... I knew I married the right guy
But he's not just anonymous male genitalia anymore. I've met him, I've seen his face.
He wanted me to blow him while he did curls and looked at himself in the mirror. Not sure if gay or ego maniac.
wearing my old cheerleader outfit to the bar was a great way to get free drinks. i should do this more often
I am not a slut. I'm just very open with how much I love to have sex. Stop judging.
It's Reggie from Taco Bell, send me a pic.
My bail money is reserved for people I either A, think were in the right, or B, have an awesome story that leads up to needing it. Just remember that before you call me.
No no no, I want to share him with you. Think of it as me sharing a piece of delicious pie with you. He was THAT GOOD.
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