White coat. Heels.
Turns out I'm like the Wayne Gretzky of hiding cum. Who knew?
operation "beaches make me wet" is a go
I just got a Community College debit card in the mail. My failure has been materialized.
Nothing like a little anal leakage to start off Sunday morning. Can't decide if that speaks well of my weekend or not...
I'm fighting fire with fire. When my parents interrogate me about what I was doing last night, I tell them the truth. Every disgusting, awkward detail. I'm 23 now and they need to get used to it.
I know that was a dream because I woke up and there was no pizza
The hookers weren't a dream get tested
Woke up naked wearing mismatched earrings. Didn't even make it to the bar.
Drinking Patron always ends with me puking or receiving anal. So make your move when I start ordering it.
In other news, I'm pretty sure my mom was encouraging me to have a threesome yesterday... I don't even want to start digging in that garden of horror and trauma.
I'm pretty sure he's playing the harmonica in my shower right now. I just really need to pee.
I don't care if it's 2 inches or 20 I mean dick is dick
This drunk girl kept yelling for water so I dipped a cup in the toilet and gave it to her. She was thanking me all night.
I'm just hoping that with all the times he's puked in my yard a mushroom field might grow.
Panties = found
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