No more parties with babies... I can't do that again.
people from other dorms came to marvel at the dump i took. i had a bio major take a picture.
you said your puke was red because you were proud to be an american.
She made me add her as a friend on fb before she got into my bed... I sense a stalker
i had confetti in my bra
i still find it in random places like a shoe or my car. that week haunts me
Do you know how hard it is to get cum out of a straw hat!?
Stop leaving me alone with my ex boyfriends after keg challenges. Woke up in his bed covered in what you think would be cum. No...toothpaste. He left a note. "Be home at four. Don't be here when I get back."
In the world of sexual, erotic texting, you rank somewhere between "how much teeth do you want" and "how dry do you want it"
I swear to god he's making pineapple onions and cheese. He thinks he's making eggs onions and cheese
Mom called last night while I was at the bar and asked where I was. I told her I was on the highway to the danger zone while the guys were humming the top gun theme.
Running my fingers through my hair is like that scene from Patch Adams where the girl goes swimming in a pool of spaghetti. I love molly.
Hey, if a dude can't randomly belt out Whitney Houston tunes from time to time, is life really worth living??
The irony of the fact that I'm going to be starting my period on Thanksgiving. Something to truly be thankful for.
the fact you finally accept your bi don't shock me but as your fuck buddy I expect you girls to go family style on me
I may have dislocated my hip getting fucked on the bathroom counter
Randomize
