So when exactly did I get naked and makeout with the statue?
i told her that she could bring as many friends as she wanted and then she asked how many people i could fit in my bed...BEST. DAY. EVERRRR.
WHY WOULD YOU LET ME MAKE THAT MUCH NOISE DURING SEX IN RESIDENCE ?!
I tried to push your face into the pillow but then you kicked like a donkey.
I love tequila.
i was told that i was found face down in a plate of ketchup at the dinner table
my brother walked in while we were fucking, silently took my bong from my closet, saluted us and walked out.
Do you think she hates me because I thought her roommate's name actually was Butterface?
Its only.eleven and we are already chasing a man on a bike with a bag full of burger king
i would have fingered myself to death by now but the dog wont stop staring at me
One of the guys I danced with wanted to give me his number so I convinced him I had a photographic memory and that I would remember it.
My night can be summed up in 3 words: Vodka. Threesomes. Hospital.
He ordered a meatball sub with a side of meatballs.
I may or may not be setting up an encounter with a foot fetishist just because I'm curious.
Nah, I was done when the Big Pun lookalike began to sob and tell me I looked like his ex...
Had to lock my cat in the bathroom so I could masturbate in peace.
So... my daughter's new girlfriend Is the daughter of the girl I dated on and off in college Who ran away because she got pregnant at my house party. My Legitimate daughter Is probably fucking my Illegitimate daughter...
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