so I was just driving high and I stopped to let a pinecone cross the road because I thought it was a hedgehog.
She had a muffin-top while wearing a one piece bathing suit. Thats gotta break one of newton's laws or something
i don't know where i am. i made bad decisions. i think this guy is dead.
Jared is "trying to bite a strangers hat off" drunk. Oh, and that stranger is a girl at a table of 5 guys, one girl.
Oh god. I asked to "play his sexaphone" which I though was a super sex way to say "let me blow you". He fucking walked home at 4:30am
I sent him this really overly apologetic text asking him out. It was just sad. Not even 27 shots of whiskey can grow me a self-esteem.
I just bought us acid. I'm like the drug tooth fairy. Get ready to wake up with a sweattart of acid under your pillow.
Thanks for listening. You're the first guy I've ever worked with who I didn't want to fuck.
You think your roommate is bad? The guy they paired me with is such a nerd, his very presence at a party blocks every cock in the room.
Her handjob consisted of slapping me in the balls. I am never hooking up with her ever again ever.
Did i fall last night when u carried me home.
idk
OHHH yea you fell down the stairs face first
Where are you? Where am I? Why am I so red?
he told me he wanted me to go see his cat. apparently i was more interested in playing with his cat then having sex.
He's making me do the dishes for the next month and half because I shit in the bath tub...
high I am. I am yoda. Yoda I am
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