Haha so apparently that girl last thought I was you the whole time, and in the morning realized you weren't the one she fucked. Thanks for your help.
I woke up naked this morning and I found out that I thought I was Adam last night and Eve was my wife so I ran naked saying I was in the Garden of Eden and I could shit wherever I wanted.....too bad the garden was in my friends apt.......I spent the morning cleaning and have reached a new low
She told me a very interesting story, complete with pantomimes, about how she got a habanero seed in her vag
Yeah I tried to leave with 3 drinks and the bouncer wouldn't let me, I slammed all 3 right in front of him and football spiked them in the trash can
To justify your stumbling you just kept yelling 'it's the boat, not the drinks' We hadn't even left the dock yet....
Who knew that one of those cheesy light up equalizer shirts would be the light that all those drunk college girls gathered like moths around?
lit a joint with my parents wedding matches today, this is what happens when you're out of lighter fluid. didnt even feel guilty.
I was up all night on suicide watch. Dave was wasted and tried to strangle himself. With his own hands.
I texted him that I wanted to be more than fuck buddies so when I came over he gave me a punch card. He takes me I dinner every 10 fucks.
You know our reunion in two weeks shall be a drunken bikini clad magical adventure right
I just spent 10 min explaining to my mom how orange is a strange color. I think she knows
Jerry got outside again, i found him making dirt angels in the garden. I need to put a bell on that bastard.
I'm just gonna ride this ego train to sex town
Remember when you gave their 80 year old doorman a line of molly at 5am?
I feel like the physical embodiment of the pot leaf eyes smiley face
Randomize
