Flowers- 20. Dinner-50. Drinks- 25. Hotel- 150. The look on his face when I tell him I'm on my period? Priceless.
anyone who buys me chipotle gets an automatic hj
So drunk can't even tell it's my own house. WOaoOw.
You peed for a solid 5 minutes last night and turned around halfway through to give everyone watching a thumbs up
Any questions about why there was a scuba tank chilling in the hot tub this morning?
I got an 8 ball and a free entrance pass to the strip club, if i dont get laid tonight I never will.
It's cute how he thinks we're going to have sex again
Even his old football coach jokes about how big it is. I don't want to be alone in a room with him and that monster.
you're like that jamaican tarat card reading chick... only with herpes
Are you sighing at your phone and judging me right now?
Ill tap morse code on the ceiling when im ready for you to come down amd smoke
because. if I can't sit outside naked and eat my watermelon every morning then I really don't see the point in moving in with you.
this is a PSA to never have sex in a bed from ikea
God I love dating single dads. They've got their shit at least a little bit together and there's always snacks after sex. #nakedfruitrollups
I loaned him a tie and then had to tie it for him. I'm like his weird lesbian girlfriend.
Randomize
