We stole some shitttt from king sooper's. fuck yeaaa
what did you steal
frozen pizza, cat litter, and preperation H. not much different than my usual grocery list.
you were the first one he came out to and you announced it as the finale while singing karaoke at the bar
CANT TOUCH THIS JUST CAME ON MY IPOD. LOVE STEVE JOBS
Just got an email from TMobile. Said they were going to pursue "more qualified" candidates. So this is what rock bottom feels like.
You are the only person I know who got away with wearing a turtleneck while getting laid. ONLY person.
We love you just as you are but we might love you more if we didn't have to post bail so often...
I don't remember anything that happened last night past 10.. I made him buy me a Buckeye's Donut tshirt. I have no idea why he'd want to fuck me after that.
I used that money i stole from the stripper last night to pay for my date tonight.
Pretty sure I sang "What Makes You Beautiful" to some random guy in a parking lot last night...
The novelty of Nekkid Straight Roommate has faded.
Ordained minister or not I hereby renounce all moral responsibility for any and all related occurrences
you guys have a strange definition of the word fun. I would have said dangerous, terrifying, or life-threatening. of course, bowling can now be described the same way.
My sober self will be embarrassed tomorrow. For now I am laughing my ass off.
Nothing says Happy Holidays like sending a picture of your ass to the wrong manager.
I wish I had a Tina from Bob's Burgers in real life. She would be the best wingman.
Randomize
