my mario cart skills improve with alchohol. and i think my real car skills do to but the cop didnt see my logic
i found her turbo button.....if you know what i mean.
Just spun two beer bottles and Placed them in my pockets perfect... I feel like the clint eastwood of drunks
This can't be good. I've realized that I weigh less in the morning after I have had a blackout drunk night than when I work out and eat healthy.
shes a baton twirler.. i expected her to be better with her hands.
Well then I realized I had a bigger problem when I woke up a long board.
Just mindlessly walked into the mens bathroom. My vagina has now become its own independent being, looking for penises. I'm just along for the ride.
I woke up to an email from Groupon for 3 laser lipo treatments...on Valentine's Day...way to kick me when I'm down Groupon.
Getting high magically turns headaches into rainbows.
If I had really thought it through, I would have bought some Depends, popped one on and made this night my bitch.
He laid on the ground 100 ft from the car crying about how he just wanted to be home already
Well at least I will forever be known as the girl he ate out on the lifeguard stand while people walked by. On the first date.
Did I tell you that I told him I deleted his dick pics and he almost started crying?
I thought my holiday spirit was gone this year until I got banged to Christmas music. It's back.
i don't care if you are my best friend. does not give you the right to describe how well my sister gives blowjobs.
how about your cousin?
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