an ex called crying about her current BF. convo ended in phone sex. i love emotional wrecks
how do you say "fuck me and leave bruises" in italian?
Best morning ever. I saw a bum giving another bum a blowjob downtown.
Woke up in the front yard with a chalupa and a firecracker in my back pocket. It's what the founding fathers would want
I woke up in solitary confinement, wheb they moved me the guy that sold me the pill of Molly at the concert was in the police waiting room, we nodded to each other.
a guy just walked up to us....drank the rest of my beer....and said sorry for my loss before walking away.
Someone asked me why we were having sex on the porch last night. All I remember is him saying he wanted the recruits to see. This has got to stop.
I am alternating between eating dry cheerios and mint chocolate chip ice cream with a fork. Please love me because no one else will
Is it bad to have a craving for speed? I feel like my nose is thirsty.
this is the first time i'm angry at someone with so much boobs. she like managed to break my glass and my phone with one glorious swing
Congrats you've received dick pics from an Olympic silver medalist
I was so high last night I honestly think my tears were medicinal
Usually it's tequila, or vodka. But today was just the devil
Well it was okay until he pinned my arms over my head and I found the loaded pistol tucked behind the bed... THIS IS WHY WE DON'T FUCK BOYS IN MONTANA ANYMORE
What happened to your back?
Rug burn. My ass is even worse.
Randomize
