I just woke up in the back of his van. Bring me a sunkist.
would you consider him our boss?
technically yes
then technically i slept with our boss
even after i explained my bobby knight costume the bartender still kicked me out for throwing the chair
She transformed our coors light pitcher we stole from the bar into a fruit basket...
I swear, you have an app for that. "Attention: your boyfriend is pooping. Place call?"
I spent all day at the mall with her, then she made me actually watch a walk to remember then decided to tell me she was on her period. This one is either really crafty or I am really desperate.
Currently bar hopping with 30 Navy SEALS. I know i'm safe but damn its hard to pick up chicks when you feel like a big pussy.
he's drinking at 8 in the morning. it's going to be one of those "or else the terrorists have won" kinda days
We're going clubbing with matching soccer jerseys on.
What will that accomplish?
It will accomplish clubbing with matching soccer jerseys on.
So I gave him a handjob and now we aren't friends anymore
You're at Notre Dame. What did you expect?
We all know tonight is going to end like every other night with you. drunk, pantless and confused. Dont try to switch things up.
I'm setting a 12:15 alarm for a taco bell run. Be awake or never wake up again.
"It's not a date, we're just spending the entire day at a concert and then getting high together." Awesome.
You have found the Promised Land of friend zones
I think our prof has caught onto our drinking game. He burst into the room with a big smile on his face and yelled "essentially! Essentially! Essentially!"
I had to switch coats with someone at work because you can see the giant sex choke bruise on my neck. Being kinky is hard.
Randomize
