im sleeping in a hamic at a mansion. best hangover ever
in respone to your voicemail you left me on saturday, yes i had gone to bed and no i was not still drinking at 5am
I might never shower again without beer.. I might also always drink naked
I bet. I bought a surfboard and a kite and filled my camelback with vodka-tonics. Let's do this
My entire summer has consisted of being too drunk for this shit, too sober for this shit, or too hungover for this shit.
I don't know which is worse, the fact that he can say will you fuck me in so many languages or that I'm turned on because of that
we had break-up sex in a port-a-potty. how do you think it went?!
we're decorating our christmas cookies with birth control. so pretty.
I never thought I'd say this, but I think I just saw the hottest pregnant chick alive.
Yeah I'm at work. Nothing like the threat of blowing chunks on passing cars to make you feel alive.
i made this one couple from ohio so uncomfortable that they left....and that was WHEN I HAD PANTS ON
I'll say this one last time. You are TWENTY FIVE YEARS OLD. You are not going to die alone and this is not the twilight of your life. Stop taking shrooms on your period!!!!
New Serial podcast is out. We can listen to it tonight instead of having sex.
I would fuck him just for his dog
I just threw up in the bushes and my gardener started clapping...
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