I'm holding in my pee so that I can hear "Cowboy" in its entirety on the radio
it's all fun and games until somebody pulls the tampon string..
there's nothing like watching the sun rise at the library alone on a friday morning to make you want to kill yourself.
woke up with a sweatshirt on that said "someone special calls me grandma" and a sword. i'm just going to assume that it was a good night
I was greeting people at my door feeding them jello shots out of an ice cube tray with a spoon.
Ughhhh. Finnnneeeeee. I'll have sex with your brother. Sheesh. The things I do for you woman.
I think we need a list of things that are automatic NO's for dating a guy. Married, definitely a no now
Just took plan b with my eggs and chai...homecoming got the best of me already
Gonna play a drinking game called drink til I feel my emotions. The things I do so I can be a therapist
I just connected with one of your drug dealers on LinkedIn.
Btw, I feel the need to make sure we have no misunderstanding about this. So here goes. I'll happily mess around with you again. However, I probably won't do it while you're dressed like a creepy clown. Or any clown.
There is maybe 10 hours out of any given day we aren't sober.
We were sad, then we got horny, and then we needed some ranch
CALL ME OLD FASHIONED BUT PEE IS FOR TOILETS
scale of one to ten how loathsome is it to save my chocolate easter bunny to use for a topping on my edibles
Randomize
