What are you doing?
High. Watching Billy Mays infomercials...
That guy could sell me cancer.
It took 5 minutes to find my bra.. in his car.
What makeup look will say to the therapist 'I am a smart, well-adjusted young woman'?
And then you guys went on to show us ur sex positions from the before. Thanks
It probably isn't a good idea to go home with last night's hookup's brother. And sister.
Probably is probably an understatement.
Somehow ed fucked carrie while purposely not saying a single word to her all night. He just nodded and smiled.
Would it have been easier if he talked to her?
Yeah, but i bet him he couldn't do it. Now he gets a free taco bell combo of his choosing.
It's take your daughter to work day... I really shouldn't be here right now
Good thing I left work early to shave my balls because traffic sucked ass, which I was written up for and my reason on the write was "to close on time, have to shave balls for date tonight". Oh yea, that was a bold statement right there
I let a drunk, gay man in a dragon costume motor-boat me. With his dragon head.
I just want to fall into a pit of xannies and eat my way out.
So that 100 days of sobriety thing I told you about last week? Lasted all of 4 days. Fuck it, life's too short
He is getting married. In the time it took for this conversation he probably cheated on her three times
Lost and found: pink cotton underwear next to my bed and soaking wet Reebok socks or boxers in a plastic bag...in my fridge🤔
He just got back from doing field research studying wild chimpanzees in the goddamn jungle. Obviously I fucked him.
hurry up. it's a friday night and i'm drinking in my office by myself. wearing a stewie griffin costume. the cleaning lady is judging me.
Randomize
