dude i need help, im throwing up blood.
no youre not, you just drank a pitcher of red koolaid trying to sober up.
oh, so thats why my junks red.
wow. cant help you there...
omg, he ripped it...he ripped my vagina...best. night. ever.
this homeless guy just told me to make a wish on his magic plastic spoon but said to be careful what i wish for...
woke up in Sigma Chi. In his room. they are iniating pledges right now. Holy fucking shit mother of pearl.
Exactly how many bongs can i have before my parents figure out they really aren't vases
we'll go far in life on tits alone.
He must be back home now. He moved his box of beer from her porch to ours.
You threw a hot dog at his face...I wouldn't call you either.
you covered his dog in toothpaste. safe to say hes not gonna call you.
I'm in his phone as "nashville blowjob" he also has "cleveland blowjob" "vegas blowjob" etc. i'm okay with this.
He is the one I "technically" lost my virginity to.
I feel like you never had a virginity..
If you don't get head tonight I will castrate you
Seriously. Castrate.
Never play truth or dare with a girl who carries a dildo in her purse. I'll never go to a Denny's again.
No way in hell. Unless I was drunk Tindering again....my swiping finger gets drunk too I guess
After he came, he took a two minute power nap and then fucked me for another 45 minutes. He is a machine!
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