birthday sex, birthday sex, birthday sex
I'm on my period, period, period
Pretty sure I left lotion and my bra in your car. I've secured your fathers belief that your straight. You can thank me later
toilet paper cling ons are not as adorable as the little red cub makes them look on the charmin commercials.
Alas, very true. I'll sell some of my eggs and give you like 10%
And with my 90% I'll get a scooter with a sidecar. And a pony. Also with sidecar.
Remind me never to take that much Vicodin ever again. I laid in bed measuring my heart rate for an hour and a half because I was afraid it would stop.
It's official, there's a sex tape of me floating around some high school
A woman on my train just walked down the carriage in a wedding dress, crying and clutching a can of Carlsberg. Oh...
Pretty sure I recall hugging our waiter from the bar last night. That also means we are NEVER going there again
Do pleather leggings scream im easy on a first date?
Model at car show < day drinking with your favorite sister. Get your head in the fucking game Christopher.
Fuck me this girl I went home with has a cover on her remote control so there is no spills to ruin it. Imagine how many condoms she's going to make me wear
He took initiative. Dragged me into the kitchen and did me on the stove....while it was on! And then we made nachos.
75% of my food budget goes to wine, the rest to chips and salsa.
I wore grinch underwear to my well woman exam this morning and I feel like I adulted successfully today.
Why does my nose taste spicy?
How do you know what your nose tastes like?
Randomize
