He dyes his hair, fake tans and lies constantly. What did you really expect from him?
A better fuck for starters.
I just figured it out. Meghan has the same smile as Sylvester Stallone.
new low: my hungover self just mistook bacon grease for mashed potatoes. worst. mistake. ever.
I decided that just having that story under my belt and being able to tell it to my grandchildren is worth the regrets of the evening.
is drinking for groundhog day legit?
well you blacked out on MLK day and we pregamed arbor day, so yes
I'm surrounded by too many unhungover people.
I want him to get the hint. I sent 4 texts that only said "sex."
Her thighs are so strong. I thought my head was gonna get crushed when I was eating her out
I had no idea a 5'8 girl could fit entirely on her knees in front of the passenger seat of a Sunfire, but I am very happy to now have that knowledge.
Just did a walk of shame dressed as a cowgirl and walked past his ex's entire sorority. Yippee kye aye, motherfucker.
I've never danced to a Michael Jackson song in a bar and left alone bro. Something in girls loves a guy who dances to mj
Let me get this straight, you're telling me to lower my standards? Even though last week you told me I don't have any..?
Someone is giving away free yogurt on craigslist. Can I get a ride?
You told me you were with a dog dressed as a taco, and it was the only one you trusted
I never realized how weird our shower smells until I cracked a shower beer and had a familiar aroma to compare it to.
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