I didn't shave. On purpose
I just walked in on my dad looking at porn. is there protocol for this?
this is ridiculous... i look like a white version of MC Hammer...
I making dinner, so you might want to actually come home tonight.
oh, you finally did the dishes then?
No, bought new ones.
my summer class's final was canceled bc it interfered with the world cup. he is giving us all A's on it. I love europe
She is chewing on staples and spitting them at her cat, I think it's time to leave..
i distinctly remember leaping through the apartment to rescue the clam chowder burning in the kitchen
You know when you can feel the alcohol in your toes? That's a great feeling.
Did I actually say goodbye last night or did I just poison you with vodka and disappear?
Shitshow foam night was such a success
Lets just make a point system, like if we have sex add a point, if they leave after take away a point, if they stay all fucking day take away a point
Ok. I'll enjoy the quiet (translation: I might be naked, call ahead if you come home tonight)
He was awful. Hubby's was apparently epic. I suck at swinging.
The girl who comes up after me always strips to Lana Del Rey. I didn't think working in a strip club could be any more depressing.
The quality of my porn watching experience has significantly declined. Thanks shattered iphone screen
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