someone put bongwater in my humidifier again THIS NEEDS TO STOP
So I gave him a handjob and now we aren't friends anymore
You're at Notre Dame. What did you expect?
You hooked up with another girl while you were with me. You were literally holding my hand while you did it.
If I had a quarter for every time I had sex in your bed while you were out of town, I would probably be a lot more willing to buy you new sheets. Hope you're having a nice vacation.
BEST FEELING EVER: Standing in a hot fucking shower, while super baked, while eating a cookie.
You eat cookies in the shower?
But you can still look for dick after you find Jesus.
I sobered up in the middle of it, that I was hooking up with him in a rosemary bush. I woke up smelling like a pasta dish
What is soo wrong about a house of half-naked people hugging each other and laughing?
The pinata full of drugs?
So in the middle of making out, he decided to give me a breast exam. God I love dating a doctor. He saved me a $20 copay.
my new game is to try to use the phrase "explosion in your mouth". as much as possible on tinder.
I'm experimenting with sincerity
I'll pick u up. I have to buy a new sofa cover anyway. I swear I've never seem a girl cum like that before.
I just group texted a dick pic. Wonder who'll respond back first. Ashley Stacey or my stepmom
i dont know how or why im in the gym right now, but theres a hot cop, a guy i hook up with, and his hot friend. this can only lead to every fantasy i ever had.
My bald co-worker just chugged a literal gallon of coffee. My condolences to his kidneys.
Randomize
