it was like she was tryin to eat my face and i was defending myself with my mouth
I'm at a party watching some dude try to eat a whole package of Oreos in 5 minutes.
sorry for making everyone realize you look like bruce jenner
i was told that i was found face down in a plate of ketchup at the dinner table
i dont want to stoop that low. but my dick does.
He kept yelling "osteoporosis" and threw milk at her because she broke her arm.
I had his cock in my mouth and he still wouldn't shut up about Star Wars.
He just did blow off my nipples. He's not serious about his girlfriend.
I always give him head in random places, it's a guessing game for his cock.
Cops just came and got two guys out of my class. I can't do college. Seriously cannot rage at this school anymore.
I didn't talk to any girls wearing masks because I wanted to avoid making the big mistake of making out with my sister.
Is it bad that I'm a 32 year old woman that is so afraid of commitment that a hamster is too much responsibility?
My tights ended up on the driveway folded neatly. Any ideas how that happened?
didn't prepare for this snow storm at all. i only have like 6 beer and all my booty calls already went home for the holiday. this is bull.
Some bitch is passed out in a pool of vomit. Fucking lightweight, it's only 8.30.
Oh, wait.. That's you.
Randomize
