you're like a bully in the Christmas story
She left me with blue balls so I jerked off on her french toast in the morning.
between my moustache and how drunk I am it will be a miracle if I get laid tonight.
I was giving him a handjob and he commented that he loved my nailpolish....I'm destined to die a fag hag
Theres dried jager, barbecue sauce and frie remnants all over my front seat.
She said, and I quote "how do you run with something that big between your legs".
Still burping lighter fluid. Totally awful.
Well Its not like I planned having my potato launcher explode and burn off my eyebrow and eye lashes.. I still have my right eyebrow can't u just be happy?
also karaoke with swedish 7yr old and drunk 50yr old = best idea ever
Betting for two different teams with two different guys is the best. Time to get $100 by one guy and laid by the other!
My frontal lobe is being piloted by Jack Daniels right now.
Dude. So. Much. Sex. Find a girl in her 30s. Now.
Andddddd I'm drunk
Andddddd it's Tuesday
That's your opinion.
My ex's sister asked me to be her date to Thanksgiving. Should I go?
Threesome!
I'm the only person I know that carries solo cups, shot glasses, ping pong balls, two decks of cards, and a lawn chair in his trunk. I'm ready to turn anything, anywhere into a party.
Randomize
