I love how you send me nude pics of girls you're fucking and name them by which city they're in instead of their name. "This is Nashville, this is Tupelo, this is Jackson..."
I found the perfect eye liner, it passed the blow job test, no smudging!!
I think my sister is getting tired of me breaking into her house so I can sleep with random girls when shes not there
new costume idea. paint swatches and a ball gag... I'll be 50 shades of grey.
My fall semester strategy is to submit my papers with a nude selfie
You've got post-grad studies written all over you
the reputation of my dick game is on the line. You're killing the team, here, G
I didn't want to hook up with him so I just jumped out of bed, yelled "I don't even believe in god!" and ran out of the room
He was so aggressive it felt like he was giving my boob a root cannal
He started saying the pledge of allegiance so his boner would go down. Merica.
I feel like I should acknowledge that I see you as a human and not a ragdoll sex object
Ok. You have started something that can only end with a picture of the inside of my butthole. It may happen today or next year, but it's on my agenda.
If you can handle my post-party look you da real MVP
Uh I almost got the bride to go down on me. I'm the smoothest maid of honor ever.
PLEASE AT LEAST MEOW SO I KNOW YOU AREN'T DEAD
I smell like cotton candy and guilt.
Randomize
