Is it bad that my booty call's snoring was more interesting than the sex we had last night?
Me too. I'd like to spend all next summer high and drunk and riding ponies and boys.
look, i may have sacrified a 20% assignment for a sprite. this is what hangovers do to me.
I seriously just washed my dick in a public restroom. That's how dirty last night got
You just kept yelling at the cabby "I own this cab" and insisted on smoking with all the windows up
but you must be fair and judge his penis by normal penis standards and not let your vision be clouded by the rare gem of a penis you have recently encountered
NEW RULE: NO INNAPROPRIATE CHOICES THAT INVOLVE GUNS. I LIKE IT. WRITE THAT DOWN.
This baby is an asshole
He held back my hair as I puked, then kindly asked me to slightly move my head over and pissed right next to my face.
Wait. You NEVER used a Dizzy Doodler pen as a vibrator?!?
According to my snapchat story, I tore a fake wig off a security guard and ran away with it.
Okay so I just had a really great idea
no.
Your dad was just slow dancing with the priest and holding a beer. Classic
His face will be in my vagina later so I'm willing to forgive.
How drunk were you? in an effort to seduce him, you demonstrated your lap dance skillz on his dog.
Randomize
