I am apparently in rockville maryland. I just threw up my tater tots I had fro brunch in a safeway parking lot. Then ordered a pizza. Pepperoni and pineapple. I'm sitting in the parking lot, next to my barf, waiting for my pizza. WOOF. Someone just gave me an oxycontin tab. Can u come get me? I'm scared
What a fucking waste of an outfit
I bet you think you're really funny for switching my line of coke with a line of protein powder.
I will fight anything that is not spinning right now
we just finished a porn and sex toy shopping spree. this is the fun part of "being serious"
Just because you put plan b in my Easter basket doesn't give you an excuse not to wear a condom.
For some reason there are two like 10 year old black girls crumping at the bar. I feel like I'm in a missy elliot video.
That's why I don't chug things. Because when I was a freshman in college tequila came out my nose.
Sounds good! I plan on writing a book entitled: I've Probably Done Cocaine In Your Bathroom. A tell-all by Lauren.
Just peed in the fountain while its snowing. Fell flat on my ass, literally my butt naked ass in a pile of snow. It's safe to say I'm done with drinking on weekdays
The only rule I'm making for myself tonight is to not drink out of the sink at the bar.
You're right, I'd say my real all time low was when I let that fifteen-year-old feel my boob.
I'm sitting next to the guy that peed in our drying machine
I’m a women at a strip club dressed as post Malone
He’s basically a sexual superhero. A mild mannered marketing intern by day, but a very horny 22 year old with pornstar stamina at nights!
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