Racial profiling caused me to miss two cabs but the third cabs the charm - he's playing Jesus Music
You picked the wrong day to call in sick. She's wearing the librarian glasses today.
Glad I put on jeans. You could measure my ass sweat with a rain guage.
These people need to leave so I can have rum and Doritos at work like every other American.
Hes sobering up now. He was just really bad for like 45 minutes. He cried while he was telling me how he pictured us eating hotdogs on the beach together..
He said I was almost as good as the wheel chair sex he had the night before. Apparently I just cant compete with 4 wheels
I'm worried my skin won't stretch enough to handle this boner. Then what?
you're usually drunk when you offer. there's one time you called me, told me not to dye my hair red, and asked if i wanted to see your tits.
You turn 21 at midnight!
This is better than being born!!
I've peed outside too many times in just this past week
I learned that I order a bunch of dollar shots at the bar and once it's ready turned around and say "who wants pay?" And someone will pay
We did it to 80's cardio music. Talk about a workout.
Someone just asked me why I drink so much. Im gonna slap a bitch
I agree with that homeless guy though, you do need a haircut
At least he's enough of a gentleman to not make me do the walk of shame dressed as Santa.
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