Babe! I just farted and I swear to jesus lord christ that it sounded like ur name! Ok, more like Meeatt but still... awesome.
I made out with a deaf person. Also I've been drunk 11 days in a row now.
you washed your face with toilet water last night.. i tried to stop you but you wouldn't have it.
I understand why you refuse to be sober now
I don't want to eat him, he probably tastes terrible.
My professors need to stop cancelling class. Bad things happen when I have too much free time on my hands. Bad things.
Well I'm just gonna sit here naked in this chair and whatever happens happens
YOU ARE THE WORST TRAVEL AGENT! THIS IS A SINGLES CRUSE FOR SENIORS. THEY ALL THINK IM THE FUCKING WAITRESS JUST CAUSE IM BLACK!!!
I've found myself wondering why I WASN'T naked before, but I generally always know why I am naked. Except now. WHY THE FUCK ARE WE ALL NAKED
Do you want to talk about dinosaurs?
It's a lot harder to work after sex than it is to work drunk... just saying.
Just slather his penis with BBQ sauce
This is the Front Desk Lady from the Saturolite Inn. Your friend is passed out in the lobby. Please come help her.
I've seen your dick too many times for both of us to be straight.
If I slept with her my dick would come out glittery
coward.
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