Ppl just aren't as funny as we are
I just hope my dad was drunk enough to not remember the whole convo we had about anal.
just snorted lines off a mancala board. I'm destined to win this game.
He asked if I was on the pill, apparently I just downed my glass of beer and winked at him...
He just went up to bed, still drunk from last night, carrying a pear, a pipe, and an unopened bottle of wine. I think he'll be fine.
Take my keys. Load me into the vehicle. Drive. Get food. Come back. These are my demands.
Getting drunk and throwing things at people isnt the same with you not here. Remember when you dislocated my elbow and then popped it back in in one motion?
I asked you if you wanted to go to the ER, have me sew it up or just wrap it in duct tape and keep on keepin on. You just said YES. I remember very little after that.
You're a good friend.
Wearing rip off pants to a booty call last night was one of my most brilliant ideas ever.
He's thawing a cheesecake on his stomach. We're that high.
I told my boss that I'm in a slutty stage of my life right now and the chef overheard and slipped me his number. I might get laid tonight
Btw I did not technically have a dick in me but I was naked in bed with a man during the last finals game so that is why the Warriors won
I found her outside drinking steak sauce out of the bottle.
I did it again.
I drunk texted John McCain.
Bank just called....we left my debit card in the ATM last night.
Randomize
