meet me in the bathroom in 10 mins.
wait what? who are you hooking up with in the bathroom?!
aww shit wrong text.
weddingsv make me drug and hornr
theyll ask where you are and ill say on a date crying in a sombrero
like that time i did too much ghb at gay pride
you woke me up at 7 am banging on my wall.. what the hell
thats the international knock for joint time
Old lady caught me peeing in the street and yelled at me and said "I REBUKE YOU"
wine pong. its mother daughter day and i think she's mad. I smell like jager
I poured somre cereal, realized the chocolate to flake ratio was off, tried to fix it by digging through the box, gave up because of the difficulty level, and poured it back in the box. Being high is the best diet.
Worst walk of shame man. They had a fire drill at 7am, had to walk out of her all girl dorm wearing my Everday I'm Hustling sweater
He bought the 12 pack of condoms. I take that as a sign of serious commitment.
I just had sex on my kitchen counter. It's like the American dream
Okay, first we buy a pirate outfit and then we get drunk, you in or you out?
I want your cock. I also want to cuddle you and tell you how amazing you are, because you know balance.
How is someone going to pee on the floor two days in a row? Fuck this place.
Dude just walked up to me, gave me his number and said, if this number ever calls its my penis,better keep that one handy. I cant lie its the best pick up line ever, im calling his penis.
In hindsight I shouldn't have been blasting Antichrist Superstar if I didn't want to seem suspicious driving up to a Catholic church
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