Update from family reunion: my aunt Janet once got her legs stuck behind her head. The fire department had to be called.
Hey man your outta milk
How the hell do you keep getting in my apartment?!
its a vaginal recession for me, ill take what i can get
They normally just get fucked up and see who can hold their hand on the exhaust the longest. It's great
I put bits of fruit cocktail in the jello shots i made because i knew that they were gonna be the only thing we ate all day
If after tonight I can still walk on my own, take me to another bar.
I let him watch sportscenter while we fucked. How did he repay me? I'm now missing class to get a shot in the ass for the clap. You and I are getting wasted and keying someone's car this weekend.
and a jello shot exploded in my bra last night. Now I have blueberry smurfette boobs. Awesome.
He actually offered up a silent prayer thanking God for my "tremendous ass." You tell me how my night is going.
He got up when I started trying to balance my wine glass on his head.
It's like fucking tetris in this bed
I just masturbated while watching Say Yes to the Dress
This is what my life has come to
I'm trying to fuck him and feed him. I don't understand why it isn't working.
You go to class with the flu but don't go when it rains... Get your shit together
He spent three years trying to get a chance with me and finally broke me down. then he came in two minutes and was so upset he locked himself in the bathroom so I helped myself to his weed and left. Wanna get stoned?
Randomize
