i havee beer in my backseat and a glow in the dark condom in my cleaveage.
you're going for the gold here.
Both he AND his 17 year old son were hitting on me... I'm bridging generational gaps
i was taking a dump when this random girl ran in, puked all over my lap, then passed out on the floor
did you bang her?
seriously?
yes you're required to wear a bikini its the snowpocalypse beach party
she was talking at me constantly for like 20mins. i kept praying for a brain hernia but it kept not happening...
I put an asterick after the names of people in my phone that I've fucked. Both as a form of bragging, and also so I can actually remember all their names.
We had a 30 min conversation last night about whether or not to bone that girl with a lisp to see if she moans with one...
I just got into the cab. It smells like weed and the driver looks like someone who may or may not be really talented at playing the saxophone. He also asked me my thoughts on porn when I told him I'm an actor. I might not make it home.
either i huffed spraypaint or ate out that makeup artist. you decide.
she genuinely believed that kangaroos are a cross between a deer and a T-rex
It's not my fault you decided to fall in love with a Frodo Baggins lookalike
Idk I've taught my 18 month old how to say nipple so kids aren't all bad
my boobs just made me lose a game of beer pong. the balls hit them, bounced off and into the cup. twice. ive never been so disappointed in them.
Considering what happened last night and how horrible I feel, I look amazing
her and her boyfriend kept giving me coke ad kissing me talking about my awesome boobs
Randomize
