We have a vodka soaked ShamWow with your name on it.
I wish I could google chicago male strippers on my work computer but I don't feel like talking to HR today
He had an itunes playlist named "def not Glee season 1" which contained all of Glee season 1
The look I see on guys faces when they realize my nipples are pierced remind me of when my mom used to come home from the grocery store and surprise me with poptarts.
i took it, then realized you live 3 ours away. but if you start driving now, im almost positive I'll still be hard
To put it in a frame of reference with which you're familiar, it was like making out with a golden retriever.
I just discovered the Reese's pieces and sourdough bread sandwich. No signs of coming down.
We ran out of wine so we are trying the absinthe you brought over from Spain like 3 years ago. Please call me at noon tomorrow. If we die, its your fault
My kindergarten teacher served me... All coming full circle
idk man, i just want to be a bad influence for future generations
I started blowing him in North Dakota, and I finished the job in Minnesota. Oh, the places road head can take you.
He never answered about passing his structures test no matter how I asked him. He did send a text saying that he would be "pouring alcohol into his head and balls" so I'm guessing he has to retake the whole class.
I just added a bunch of arbitrary options to my ouija board. Ghosts can now tell me "cheddar," "the homosexual agenda," "the whole foods vegan aisle," or "viable offspring"
Beans, may the odds of a nip slip and drunken make out session be ever in your favor
Life goal: sit on his perfect beautiful David Archuleta-lookalike face
Randomize
