What started out as a threesome has become me sitting here watching them have sex... Can I get a ride home?
I wish that guy wasn't missing teeth
We're going to play a drinking game. It's called "Senior Year of College."
Tonight's trip to the ER was brought to you by, "fork jousting."
I knew I fucked up when I woke up with the meat scissors in my hand.
You can duct tape yourself to me so we dont lose you and you dont have to celebrate your birthday alone
He used the phrase "no problemo" in a sext. It's over.
That awkward moment when the guy you hooked up on spring break invites you over for dinner to meet his parents and you say yes because the first rule of college is never turn down a free meal.
THE SHIT YOU GET YOURSELF INTO
So I had a crappy evening so the fat girl in me says eat and cry and watch something sad. The cool girl in me says don't eat go run. So I'm watching family guy and doing crunches w a pickle in my mouth
Gross
AN ACTUAL PICKLE
Honest opinion...too aggressive to bring the funnel out to the bar? Also just so you know im at the bar. with the funnel.
Dude, I lost my shirt, and my doorknob is gone. I'm not sure which I should find first
I just sent an "I'm sorry I forged a prescription in your name" email. It was one of the more awkward things I've done this week.
I dunno what's worse, that one guy here said he'd blow somebody for Tim Horton's right now, or that someone else looks like they want to test his sincerity.
Come get me, I'm fucking scared.
I've had your balls on my face a bunch of times so the least you could do is buy a girl some dinner.
If you get banged by this bartender you know you can't be mad at me right? Its the rules.
Randomize
