people and things i regret. that's what i want to do tonight.
New requirements. My future husband must have a nose ring and wear headbands.
We are no longer friends.
We just took the batteries out of the fire alarm to play the breathalyzer game. I love college.
After you puked you called ur mom and told her you fucked on her bed, then u said "Have a good night mommy!" hung up and passed out on my couch
that would explain 17missed calls and 3 very angry voicemails from her
Come 10 years my vagina won't look like this. I must cherish it
He offered to take me out to a nice dinner but I told him I would rather he just pay for my beer this weekend
My shirt is ruined. If I ever get the idea of doing a tequila shot through my nose ever again, shoot me.
I've taken a shot every five minutes for the past twenty. His valentines cupcakes are going to be a fucking delicious vodka induced mess. Thinking about putting vodka in this next batch. I'm the best girlfriend.
So I was trying to finish off that sick uv whipped and I chased it with yogurt. Not a good idea
They have a genuine stripper pole secured to the floor of their living room. I am thoroughly take advantage of it. I've made $5 so far. Why don't more places have poles??!
You then played what you called "a smooth jazz rendition of talk dirty to me" all thrusting your crotch at the bartender. Mom looked horrified, but my dad couldn't stop laughing
I think pants incapable of making pants work
Kick open the door, strike a pose, steal a boyfriend, end scene.
I'm eating an ice cream cone and pooping. Don't know how I'm gonna wipe.
We somehow ended up in Oklahoma. Nick's been crapping for two hours and I'm afraid to call a doctor because who the hell knows what sort of stuff goes down in the middle of nowhere. So not a great long weekend really.
Randomize
