Threw my underwear in my purse as I was running away after sex last night, went to pick up my birth control prescription this morning, took out my wallet and accidentally flung my sweet thong onto the counter in front of the cashier. Think that was the universes way of telling me I am a whore.
why do our vaginas work when we are blacked out?? it's just not fair.
i saw like six of her guido cousins in the jersey shore trailer alone. her family is having a dinner party for the premiere tonight.
just woke up with a thong on my face, dont remember going home with anyone and its way too big for it to be a good thing
in respone to your voicemail you left me on saturday, yes i had gone to bed and no i was not still drinking at 5am
She started to rub her ass on my shoulder and i instantly thought "i am going to get E. Coli"
It was the classiest, most strategic and inspired vomiting I've ever witnessed. Like a blind mans first sunrise. A priests first prayer. Or a virgins first orgasm.
Who knows. I'd probably only get a makeout with an OTPHJ from her so the return on sexual investment from her isn't looking that great.
I am on top of a rooftop peeing on your freedom
At this point, I'd date an ax murderer. So long as he doesn't cry all the time, have ED, or leave me with his unspayed cat. My list of requirements is becoming increasingly specific.
Yeah just pls explain the dishes and the dildo. I don't want to lose my job over a dick in the cooler.
If you find my integrity anywhere, please tell it to come back home
It's like I'm tryna ride my horse through dennis quaid’s vineyard
That's a sexy sentence
What am I thankful for..I figured out I can drink on antibiotics without getting sick thanks to the power of pot gummies
Just got high with dad
Correction: more high. He's sharing gummy bears with me.
Randomize
