I just got back to Nicks and I shoul dnot have drank this much when I have to work at 7AM!!!!!
I just ate a drumstick out of the garbage. I need a life coach.
Did we both pass out talking about cake last night?
Their house warming gift for us was a half case of keystone and getting the cops called..
I almost puked on my graduation application. perfect.
Girl walking by was talking on the phone about how he needed to write a gratitude list in her letter to god this week. Too stoned
in a thick russian accent she said "im not so good with english, much better with dick"
Omg having my Grindr go off at the planned parenthood is just not okay
You can fuck me but I'm keeping my parka on.
I just got my evaluation. My manager told me he hated my guts and pretty much wanted to stab me in the face. Then he gave me an "exceeds expectations" on pretty much everything and a raise.
My buddy just got straight up kicked out of the bar on my bday for water boarding people with beer and bar towels
Looks like he unfriended you too. I feel like we were both just handed negative pregnancy tests.
It's a sad day when ur phone automatically updates u on Thursdays that traffic is normal and how long it will take to get to the bar
That's fucking great actually
The cops high fived after they tackled you
I can't believe just smoked out of a pear
I can't believe you had a pear already made to smoke out of, that was impressive
Randomize
