Friends don't let friends fuck ugly girls. WALK AWAY FROM HER!
do you think they make "congratulations unfit mother" greeting cards?
or abortion recommendation cards.
hammered. By myself. Accident. Faillll. Snowwwwwy
She threw up a whole curly fry. A. WHOLE. CURLY. FRY.
Just getting around to doing laundry. Jesus there's a lot of blood on my birthday dress.
Her directions to the house party: "the north star will guide you, turn left. I'm wearing the potato hat"
he obviously didn't care that i was sleeping and dreaming about ellen degeneres knitting me a christmas sweater.
someone lit off fireworks while I puked in the street. I was like congratulating me for making it through homecoming.
i like to finish this college football season knowing that not once have I had to masturbate to erin andrews
ATTN: We are officially 15 weeks from our annual "Get-Mega-Stoned-and-BBQ" event. Start saving up the proper supplies. That is all.
He needs a high five right to the fucking mouth. With a chair. Or an atomic bomb.
Feel like I died but someone put me In a human microwave and I got back to life.
It's like a booty call, except its for tacos...and you're my brother.
Um, It's tempting but I'm not into coke or farmers.
there is glitter all over my balls
Randomize
