3 of us had 22 margaritas. Hellllllo yellow cab. Goodbye morals.
the entire time we were hooking up i couldn't stop thinking about the bengals. thoughts?
have you facebook stalked him yet?
No, I don’t know his last name...
Just google his license plate numb
the only reason i even kissed her was because we were having sex when it midnight, and i heard people yelling "happy new year."
She agreed that we could have sex whenever I wanted and I could let someone else meet my mom.
he slapped my stomach and proclaimed it a baby-free zone
I told him if I was pregnant we were coming out to the people at work, because I'm not pretending to get knocked up by an imaginary boyfriend.
It looked like his dick was wearing an argyle sweater.
Oh boy. Send him a care package with laxative cookies and alcohol. So he can shit himself while he's passed out drunk.
So you're mad that you saw a penis at a swinger's party? That's rational
I took a pregnancy test at Pancheros a bit ago.
I just loudly threatened to kill a self checkout machine
What's an appropriate gift to bring to my boyfriend's wife's baby shower?
Shame?
he had a cock ring. i orgasmed before he even put it in
Ever try to swallow something and have it go up into your nose instead? Yeah, I just sneezed bacon.
Randomize
