I'm at a crab and wine festival with my dad. He just introduced me as his girlfriend to all of his co-workers. I am so drunk I thought he was serious.
I had just got her shirt off when I realized that I was about to fuck Chewbacca from Star Wars. The way she moaned confirmed that I was.
im just going to superglue mistletoe to my forehead and see what happens
Listening to her yell about my drinking problem is not helping my hangover.
Nah, I'm just going to keep fucking him until he realizes we're perfect for each other.
His little brother just walked in, asked me if I'd blown his brother yet and then announced that he and his friends were going to play outside so we could play too.
I mean i can't really be mad...either way i was gonna fuck him or hate fuck him, so it's basically a win/win situation.
She was grinding on him and then she was eating a Big Mac. Who the hell brings a Big Mac to the club?
I'll check it out in the morning. Tonight has been reserved for getting baked and covering myself in kittens because THAT IS AN OPTION.
Come to the roof. We are drinking breakfast.
Still pimpin that dick in the cornfields. Now it's just transferred to the local bar.
Uh oh we had sex and I don't think I like him anymore help
I have booze and I wanna give you a bj. How can you be mad at me?
That car ride home was pretty awkward. Your feeling up the girlfriend to the guy who's throwing up out the window. Thanks for that.
All I fucking want right now is a cheeseburger the size of my face
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