the last time I saw her she was leaving the mens bathroom and club rush with her dress inside out. typical tease.
Whoa, Gary Coleman died
Whatchu talkin bout?!?!
Too soon.
is facebook stalking your hot therapist socially acceptable?
I must say your penis is just as photogenic as you
So the drug dealer I'm sleeping with just got drugs from the other drug dealer I'm sleeping with
Isn't life beautiful?
Where are you? I hear fireworks and you've gone missing. I'm sure that is not coincidence.
June 16th my calendar just says boobietassels....I can only assume that has to do with you
THIS IS WHY I WENT TO SCHOOL FOR TO BE A COSMETOLOGIST TO HELP MY EX BOYFRIENDS CURRENT GIRLFRIEND BE MILDLY ATTRACTIVE... Everything DOES happen for a reason
I wore sunglasses to take a shower. I might be hungover.
We just had can't-look-you-in-the-eye sex and it was still surprisingly good
The guy I hooked up with last night left me alone with his dog AND IT JUST SHIT ON THE FLOOR. WHAT DO I DO
You have the most beautiful penis I've ever seen. I never thought penises were meant to be beautiful, but you proved me wrong
What color nail polish screams, "Either fuck me or get the hell out of my way"?
Dude, some chick came over here earlier and thought my lube was hand sanitizer. She poured it all over her hands.
I can always count on you to keep my boobs honest
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