I feel like I'm in dance class right now
there is a puppy in the bar... no really i didnt steal this one
Tip #47, don't trim the bush when you have the shakes!
hickory dickory dock, please dont tell me about your cock
She had been watching Bad Girls Club where the annoying girl always says "I RUN L.A.". After she got wasted she kept going up to strangers at the bar yelling "I RUN FAYETTEVILLE." I peed in her drink.
You totally left a blue butt print on our banister
Well I think we can all agree that that's better than then bowl of puke I left last time.
the ladder is at the bottom of the pool
I had fun watching you interact with the world around you. Like a fuckin 8 year old kid who just discovered build a bear but really wants a cigarette.
Well he walked in last night, yelled at me for not playing any music and started dancing.
You fell out of the chair and then lifted your foot saying, "If my foot could give you the middle finger it would."
All I want is some guy to eat me out while I work on grad school things then go on his way
I barfed on the cat last night. Just wanted to share.
His name was Dragon. For real. How do you not sleep with a Dragon? Don't judge me.
You fell while talking to a cop, then proceeded to acuse him of tripping you... he was arresting you for public intox.
Put on your bikini and meet me at the pool \nit’s cock o’clock!
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