I just cleaned my sheets and decided to do a black light test. My headboard is a masterpiece.
yeah that facebook group of people who have had sex with me probably isn't to discreet...
How does, "Im sorry I was such an intoxicated bitch, I didn't mean anything I said" sound as an apology.
Just found out that wake n bake is not one of the 7 habits of highly effective people..
We shared that special kind of eye contact that can only be experienced when you know one party is saying "Oh god, I fucked him in the back seat when you were in the front, didn't I."
Omg I'm so stupid. All the peoples fb status that said "spain" I thought they were all going to spain.......
Please tell me how you drunkenly remembered your social security number when we were checking you into the ER.
And I feel bad.
Because we're having a serious discussion about our sex life and you're playing minecraft?
You need to stop having girl talk with the guys I'm sleeping with.
She is the absolute last thing I would want to screw. Honestly. Fellating a porcupine. Higher on the list.
Hell hath no fury like a woman whose gay sidekick you insult
True strength comes from lack of pants
THERE IS A DOG IN THE CLUB. I repeat a dog in the club. I might have laid down and petted it..I have no shame.
Dignity. Ruined. Must. Smoke. Weed.
you had her IN YOUR BED NO PANTS AND YOU GAVE HER THW BOOT?!?!?!
Stage five clinger bro. had to go.
Randomize