Have you ever noticed that nowhere is the same thing as now here, i get my best ideas when i smoke
Holy jesus god. My teeth taste like street.
For future reference, a lint roller appears to be the easiest way to get glitter out of a beard.
I went out in the middle of the night to smoke my weed.. Didn't realize my dad was sitting on the patio doing the exact same thing..
Do you know many girls there are in gay bars waiting for me to do coke off their tits? A lot.
Just did an upsidedown spineboard shot. Gotta love lifeguard parties.
Remind me tomorrow that I was taking shots of burnetts in the subway line while placing my order
I'm gonna make a therapist very happy and very wealthy this semester.
I world jack off literally anyone now that I'm not related to.
What if he stabs me in the back, mid-orgasm, as I sit on his face? It'd be a miraculous way to go but that's not the point
Don't know how your birthday has been, but mine has involved Hershey's syrup and a blowie. It's safe to say you're playing catch up.
He just turned down phone sex for hockey and I'm so relieved I'm fucking a straight guy that I'm barely even mad
Just packed a snack to eat on the way to McDonald's. That stoned.
She just kept feeding people pretzels and sayying "You're such a good goldfish."
We were high and the scary movies were scaring us too bad. Were all watching porn instead now
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