I have to look really hot tonight because my personality is going to suck.
does dane cook know its not 2004 and that hes no longer relevant?
Well, what part of "I've heard she has crabs" didn't you take into consideration?
he emptied an entire bag of goldfish onto the bed and rolled around yelling the theme to jaws trying to eat them
I am literally the only girl who can black out and wake up pantsless and STILL be 99% sure I didn't get any.
Well, I convinced myself I had a sixth toe and then I ripped it off. So I PRAY you're doing better than me.
I hooked up with a lesbian tonite. Top 2 valentines experiences of all time.
I was woke up by the fucking Star Spangled Banner this morning. I sat up in bed and put my hand over my naked heart. I was so confused
It was the cape. I can't control myself when I wear a cape.
I say this out of love and friendship. Eat ice cream not the d.
Woke up in a cemetery. Puked in front a funeral ceremony that was going on.
Have you ever had a pregnancy test laugh at you?
listen. i haven't sucked a dick in well over three years but i believe in myself.
when i woke up with rugburns on the tops of my feet, knees, and chin i was a little confused. and then i remembered i had sex with him in his friends walk in closet.
He told his wife he was too old to pretend to be straight. She tried to argue. He walked two tables over and was like this is my highschool sweetheart and he's an excellent fuck, we're running away together. It was epic.
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