Be sure to let me know if your relationship crumbles so I can resume hitting on you
Apparently married women at the office don't like getting congratulated on getting "knocked up"
you told his mom that the only thing he wants for christmas is his dick in your mouth
So we went to home depot to buy supplies to build a beer bong but ended up buying an office water cooler that were going to put vodka in
Dude i think i got lasagna in my eye
Some one left their pants in the elevator.
I'm gagging in the liquor aisle just thinking about how much alcohol I'll be drinking this weekend.
We're going to shave my junk and take pictures of it wearing fake mustaches we found at the dollar store. They're uncannily realistic; much better than the cockstaches of my youth.
I think its pretty common. 1 out of every 4 people probably have a stripper's phone # in their phone.
Some girl dressed in nothing but Wonder Woman underwear and a cape on her ass just started twerking all over us. Remind me why I'd never been to a midnight of Rocky horror before?
Let's just says his mouth writes a lot of checks that his penis just can't cash. Don't waste your time.
Well, if you're anything like me you'll get a lot of ass when you turn 30, so that's a plus
I need a beard to bite.
A respectable fucking: good but like I don't want to get kicked out of my hotel room
I just saw a chick driving drinking a juice box smoking all while on the phone that is talent
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