so he just left - touched my cheek like he was gona kiss me and then gave me a fist bump?
Her tattoo has the intellectual profundity of snakes on a plane except you can't laugh.
life lesson# 3: saying thank you on a subway really means "im not a native new yorker, so please feel free to touch my ass"
hmm. interesting. explain how you came across this knowledge.
i sneezed. he said bless you. i said thank you. he groped. i again said thank you.
Still in Rome. Hooked up with frat boy from SoCal that's studying abroad. He said he was 1/8 italian. I'll take it.
we decided it was best to cut you off after we caught you trying to "baptize" my cat in the jungle juice
Come down here. We are watching people walk through the paper we taped in front of the elevator.
Dude she pregamed for her sorority's philanthropy.
I woke up naked wrapped in my roommate's towel with one leg shaved and money thrown all over the room. Happy 21st birthday.
Idk I somehow continue to get laid by pulling my dick out and reciting the 3 world country orphan kid commercials
but they dont look like handprints. looks like someone had a boxing match with my tits and my tits lost
Just so you know my hand is still healing from where you drunkenly clawed me last Saturday
I just smoked a bowl alone and took my Zyrtec here's to a full night.
I just ordered cookies for delivery. My life is falling apart.
Pretty sure by 1p, she had fucked all of my bodily fluids out of me. I'm now trying to replace them with bourbon so 2016 is turning out pretty good.
Real life skills section of my resume: blow jobs, food knowledge trivia, sarcasm, mascaera application, sexting, tolerance of rail liquors
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