He quoted an N'sync song to confess his attraction to me. Needless to say, I had sex with him.
my underwear are soaked with white zifandel yet i have continued to wear them despite the fact im at home
its hard to take this fight seriously when one dude is an oompa loompa, and the other is a "g spot"
He thought I was flirting with him but really I just needed someone to hold me up.
I slept with a married guy last night and then broke my toe on the doorframe on the way out. I've never seen karma work so fast.
Annabeth just got on the bar and slurred something about how she was worried that when she started dating you your penis wouldnt fit. You are one lucky bastard my friend.
Hindsight is 20/20. Or a bladder infection.
A sandwich with pizza as the bread. I love you.
YES WITH THE SQUARE KIND OF SLICES
I peed in a 7/11 last night. Like literally pretended I pretended I was shopping, looked around, and peed on boxes in the corner. No more tequila
She just told me she thinks she bruised her labia in class
I probably should have eaten more before I started shotgunning beers at 9am, but it was so much damn fun.
So unmotivated today.
Who am I kidding. So unmotivated this decade.
who knew rolling through the dorm on a scooter in footie pajamas would attract so many guys. he said i'm his soulmate.
I just puked into a clean basket of laundry.
This date is awful. He’s too boring to bang
Is porn accurate? Can I order a pizza and do the delivery boy?
Randomize