my mom just informed me my dog smells like cum
but i got with him after midnight so its technically 2 days
I blacked out, fell off a swingset, and thought I was Liz Lemon for almost an hour.
She spent a lot of time to get her cleavage to look that good. It would be rude not to stare. It shows you are paying attention. Chicks dig that.
She put up a picture of her grandmother on facebook, looks like the lazy eye runs in the family
It'll be like the burning bush except without moses and with pubes.
I have a lot of questions this morning, most of them start with "Did I..."
Someone sharpied "COCK HUNGRY" on my butt cheeks last night. When the fuck did I have my ass out?
i'm hungover but need to study so i had a vodka orange juice, three ibuprofen and an adderall for breakfast. what up med school
Also, I have your check. Also, still wanna drop acid?
I accidentally called my professor daddy...and I think he liked it. Help, I'm scared.
He fingered me to the beat of the Fresh Prince theme song... it was pretty fantastic.
But I don't see you as the jesus riding a dinosaur with a machine gun type of guy
The cashier looked at my basket, looked at me and said "That's a lot of wine." I looked at her and said "Mother in law." She nodded approvingly.
It's a testament to the kinds of spouses/parents we will be that we get so wasted but still show up to every class on time. We honor our commitments bitches!
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