im pretty sure that there was a mint leaf in my poop this morning. i love mojito season.
You turned to me, asked if I was having fun yet, and then threw up onto my jeans. Thanks for the awesome first time partying experience
If I had KNOWN you and mom were coming to visit, I wouldn't have passed out in the frat. This is why I hate surprises.
I dont think he was a real cab driver. I think he was just a creepy guy with a van.
sometimes i think my sole purpose in life is to cockblock my roommate
I woke up covered in his pee. And then he poked me on Facebook.
Also, am I the only one who noticed he didn't fuck you until after you were technically a cripple? Or am I reading into this too much? Congrats on that btw
I've been buying my puppy dildos for chew toys. I can't wait till a girl comes over and my dog is gnawing on a giant black cock
Whoever said it shouldn't take a man to make you happy clearly wasn't having sex everyday.
Fast is cars. Home is I now. Drunk yoda me is.
we need to open a bar. a bar with... wait for it... A FUCKING BALL PIT.
LOL. Do you guys need a ride home?
No. we're home already. i just thought it was a brilliant fucking idea.
he was wearing pj pants, thank you for not letting me go home with him
well true... there's not a real discreet way to masturbate in public
They gave my sperm a pep talk after they found out we were trying.to have.a baby.
All she said was "Do me by Friday."
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