That's the secret to virgins: blizzards.
all you kept yelling was "i'm bored and i'm sober"
Either seal the deal or get out of the room, I don't want to hide in this closet anymore
I am not old enough to be running into past fucks at the bank. This is at least a twenty five year old milestone.
i thought they made a 7-hour walmart run, but they were actually in jail.
downstairs . braiding the drunk passed out girls hair, she will thank us In the morning
I pretty much just threw a bunch of clothes and my vodka in a bag..idk where I'm gonna end up tonight but I'm prepared.
I don't think I have but I might've died. If I have then come get me, I'm in the flower bed. And still game.
Sometimes familiar penis is best. Its like comfort food for your vagina.
the amount of chicks and firearms here is unnerving. this will end awesomely or at the morgue.
Pregnancy test = positive. Hope you still have our old guess who game 'cause daddy elimination begins now.
and then I drunkenly screamed, "you can ride that Uber all the way to revenge city!"
which was funny until I realized I paid for my enemy's cab to go fuck my ex
I make him buy me all the extremely expensive high end Mac cosmetics I desire. Wear it then let him cum on my face. I am fucking glamorous.
I said his dick tasted like a Hawaiian Sweet Roll. And then I yelled MAHALO.
WHAT KIND OF DEALER ONLY WORKS FRI-SUN???
Ours, apparently.
Randomize
