i guess that's what happens when you find your girlfriend at the zoo
and I didnt even know his name until this morning when we were laying in bed and he referred to himself in the 3rd person.
Also I climbed atop a mailbox with a toilet paper hat and a wolverine claw made of glowsticks, screaming at passers-by that they were going to die. Control me
I five year old is judging me because I just opened a bottle of Sam Adams with my teeth before 8am
I'm going to join a nudist colony to win $1000. There are no down-sides to this.
They were taking shots out of the caps of perfume bottles. This is too much for me.
Went outside and he was playing rock paper scissors with a cop over a drunk in public ticket.
Yup he definitely fell asleep. I'm trying to bone an old man
On celebration of the Supreme Court ruling I feel it is our patriotic duty to have a threesome
Lol I think I might have been a little aggressive last night there is a blue ass print from your jeans on my wall
Remember the girl I had sex with in the dorm stairwell? She got married!
How is it possible for someone who gets so many dick picks sent to her, to be experiencing such a complete and utter lack of dick IRL.
Kids I used to babysit are now fuckable members of my social media periphery.. Getting old sucks
sex on a trampoline, in the rain, on ecstasy, just thought you should know.
My mom found me this morning passed out, face down on my dinning room floor
That must have been one awkward situation haha
Well I woke up in my bed.... I don't remember her finding me
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