living well may be the best revenge, but it doesn't hurt that my exhusband is now dating a BEAST.
My tally is now official: I have been drunk every weekend since 2008. Cheers.
she's bipolar. she literally has TWO facebook pages. one for each personality. this. bitch. is. crazy.
So I put about 15 worms in the cuervo bottle. I don't think that's how it works but I feel like hallucinating by 11am
Yeah getting kicked out of the bar at 1 pm really set the tone for the day.
I found him CRAWLING across the garden. He saw me,smiled,and asked for a napkin.
He did not want a thank you for helping me move in bj. I don't know how to thank him now.
I haven't gotten it in awhile but since spring break is next week I'm willing to have a pregnancy scare if it means no bleeding through the suit
Yeah wouldn't want it to interfere with beach sex. Nothing should interfere with beach sex
Was behind a guy going 20 for 4 miles I'll be there as soon as the universe quits fucking me
Went to take a shower. Brought my wine, forgot my towel.
The doctor basically called me a dirty dick.
Excuse me while I take my birth control pill for today to prevent getting pregnant from hearing about your sex life
not sure if actually covered in glitter or just drunk
She handed me scissors and told me that they were the ones with the lowest probability of having been used to trim someone's pubes.
Can you confirm that you aren't dead?
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