did you get my message about your dog?
no... is he ok?
no, i didn't see him when i was being chased out of your house. check your drive way :( sry
the truckdriver in the lane next to me just looked down and motorboated in my direction.
I just made out with a girl with a life jacket on wtf is going on
Either way, he made a blog for his cat.
Chasing tequila with honey. Ill let you know how it turns out.
he tried breathing fire using moonshine and a roman candle. would not have believed it unless i actually witnessed it.
The problem with never associating with your roommate is that you never know if they're dead in their room with the door closed or just gone for the weekend...I sprayed some febreeze just in case.
being pregnant is like rehab
If you think for one second that I would forget Mardi Gras, you clearly don't know how much I love boobs.
I don't care what you say, the fact that he's a drag queen with the same shoe size as me is reason enough to date him
He said that I started crying after sex because he was leaving to go back to Europe after the semester was over and I wouldn't see his dick anymore. This is why I need to stop hooking up with the exchange students.
Not a problem, sailor. I speak both autocorrect and typo.
My ex is having a baby and I'm over here planning my dogs birthday celebration...
When is the party?
I just had sex with the kid I walked next to at my first holy communion
A black cat walked my drunken ass home last night and made sure I made it back into the apartment safe. Sat with me for 30 minutes as I struggled to unlock the door. Guardian angel or drunken hallucinations?
Randomize
