The sex was great until she started shouting, "Succeed!, Succeed!" Then it was like I was fucking a motivational speaker. Awkward.
hot pretzels for dinner, snacks, and now breakfast...oh to be a poor college student...everyday is like a carnival.
tell me why there is a bowl of oatmeal from starbucks in my purse
whoooo knowwsss what george of the jungle juice is but i feel like im in the promised land
Laurln. I am dying. I am npt alive. Adderrall is not a real thing. Death is a rwal thing which I understandably
My brother just asked if I would keep having one nighters with that guy because he really likes the organic cotton v-necks he leaves behind.
I'd like to thank you fucktards for dumping the WHOLE box of Tricuits in my bed after I passed out.
I woke up with a russian doll attached to my necklace and a post-it note with "keep babushka safe" written on it. Fuck vodka
I can measure my amount of vomit in solo cups.
You came running into my room at 4 in the morning yelling "SANCTUARY!" and flung yourself into bed.
Hmmm, sounds like a Jaeger night then. Did I at least get to be the little spoon?
I was trying to remember why my knees hurt then I remembered I was twerking on the countertops.
If you saw or spoke to me yesterday can you message me. Trying to make a timeline of the day I was too drunk to remember
U NO SLUT. YOUR HEART IS JUST FREE.
Ran into my FWB on my walk of shame and went back to her place. Even my walk of shames are awesome!!!
Had a dream last night where I asked you how your Christmas was and your response was, “sex, man. Just lots and lots of sex.”
Good god. A spell so dry your friends actually commit it to their subconscious!
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